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( due to issues in the site and the behievour of some members, I have disabled comments for this blog, to avoid any issues with it... but people can PM me if they so choose, about it )

Skye was the type of person that was quick to laugh and smile, hug and kiss, growl at me then throw her arms around me and hold her big brother close.... and yet I was not her brother in the complete sense of the word, I was adopted into her family..... not that it mattered.....

she would often joke about her big brother that would move heaven and earth for her if she so much as wiggled her little finger... and in a way that was true, she was my lil sister...and I would move heaven and earth for her without blinking.....

hearing that Skye had hiv, was something that didn't truly affect me, it was like her saying she had a cold, it was not something to worry about, just a couple of days of runny noses, sneezing and feeling like shit and then she would be back to normal.... but this was not a common cold, this was a form of hiv that was one of the more aggressive forms of hiv ( there are estimated to be 7 different forms of hiv ) and in NZ, treatment for it was non existent....

nothing had changed about my sister and her soon to be partner, kris, they were still incredibly warm, loving caring people that saw the best in every body, and they embodied the acceptance and tolerance that others talk about but do not truly practice... and they found themselves fast becoming symbols of hope for others that also found that society was a cold and harsh place at times... I still hear stories about how they inspired others to not just reach for the stars, but create stars for others to reach for.....

now I question why people are so cold and twisted, not so much the health system, but the way people acted towards my sister, her partner the same people that talk so much about acceptance, tolerance, love and equal treatment, some of them I used to support, now I ignore them even tho I see them from time to time, still spouting their BS about their perfect world....they now remind me of many of the ideals that hitler had cos their ideas are not so much about creating a perfect world of acceptance, tolerance and love, but a world where anybody that doesn't fit into their narrow minded world, is *dealt with *

watching skye and kris together, helped me to rethink how I could help make the world a better place, not by forcing others to change to what I wanted, but by giving hope to those that needed it... how to think along the lines that you can share a simple smile with those that need to see a smiling face, and that would make the other things you could do for the person, that much more special...... and that was much the way that they did things.... a simple holding of the hands and a warm smile made the difference in the hearts and faces of so many others....

I still remember in the hospital on one of skyes visits.... her, kris and I sat in the childrens ward in the day room, reading a childrens book to the kids while I would do impersonations as some of the characters of the book....or pull faces at kris behind skyes back and kris would poke her tongue out at me, the poor kids would be giggling and laughing...and then skye would finish a chapter, look at the kids then at me and kris, who were suddenly ever so innocent and well behaved, then back to reading and me and kris would start up again......
a nurse pulled me aside one day and told me that there have been some complaints by parents about a person with aids in the same room as their kids....I was filled with anger, as the nurse went on to say that unfortunately she had to stop me, kris and skye from doing what we were doing for the kids, so the parents could return to being miserable with their kids and being the poor, hard done by, parents with a dying kid....

were we angry ? yes..... but what could we do ? get angry and bitch about pozphobia ? what was the point, we would become just as twisted as the parents, too wrapped in their own issues, to realise that there was still a world out there and getting all bent and twisted out of shape over something, was not worth it......

at skyes funeral, I stood beside kris's christian parents, her pastor brother and other members of her family, none of our family attended, they had disowned skye..... and later, I was to stand beside the same people when they buried kris, their daughter...... and the brother said to me "where does your path lead now ?"... I was quiet... then said to him, " I have no idea....part of me wants to return to the bottle, part of me wants to go break jaws and faces, and part of me wants to find the sun again so that I can show others where to find it...... " he said to me that I was welcome in the church any time, to which I answered, I may be, but thats cos you practice what you preach, I need to find others that do the same "
he hugged me and said remember what the bible says about how many whom preach the word of god, only preach.....

its like so many people stand in the cold of winter and talk about the warmth of the sun, there are some that stand in the sunshine and talk about the masses that are still standing in the cold of winter....... and then there was those that I do not hear talking or preaching, but occasionally they ask me to give them a hand as they share their sunshine with another person....they are the ones that make the world a warmer place with their hearts, their laughter, their smiles, their giggles, their sense of humour.... they are the ones that are not the light in the dark, but windows thru which the light shines.....

in a way, bisexual.com has become a place that is like the cold of winter....cos those that were the windows that let the light in, have got to other places to let the light in there........and like my sister and kris, there are just memories now of the way things used to be, as winter settles in .......and there are no windows to let the light in......