"Gay Straight or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited," Revisited - Part 2

[*pan*]

this idiot it typical of someone who thinks he knows it all, if he can't have both feelings equaly for men and woman then noone else can. remmember thoes that forget history are doomed to repeat it so i say sigmond freud or how ever you spell his name was considered an athourthy on the human mind and some unenlighted pshchitrists still quote him. in fact he was sicker then the individuals he tried to treat and anyone who has done any study on the subject knows this. so this guy did a study and came out with his hypothithsis which is a conclusion or in common language his opinion. well the old saying still goes, opinions are like assholes and everyone has one. i know better and don't get upset when a so called intelegent person makes an opinion that goes outside reality and common sense. but not trying to say anything against gays, i have seen more biases within that sector then in the bisexual community, therefore maby he is biased because of his gay orientation, although i know a lot of gays that live and let live with bisexuals.like i said in a previous post on this subject, it's really not worth the time and effort to even comment on it but i see my self doing it again lol

[Bi-Zarro]

The "Gay Straight or Lying" article is discussed (and debunked) in the Bisexuality Issue of Nerve, found here:

http://www.nerve.com/specialissues/bisexuality/

Other interesting stuff there too. (Sorry if this has already been mentioned, I didn't see it in the archives.)

[gurlydon]

As a former psychotherapist with a doctorate in therapy, as a social scientist with comprehension of the rigor of science (when applied correctly), and as a former "exclusively heterosexual" male I have to say that almost no studies of anything in social science are worth the paper they are printed on. Especially studies of sexuality. Social Science is inherently subject to error and bias. As a man who has moved from exclusive heterosexuality to something approaching exclusive homosexuality I can say from an empirical perspective that only those of us who are experiencing the reality of our personal sexuality can remark accurately on it. Social scientists acknowledge that they can't ever achieve the accuracy of pure science or pure mathematics, but they constantly claim their work is important. I never found it so, not even when I did my own research.

If you like men here and there mixed with women here and there, even if you find you are emotionally attached and having love feelings (a whole other topic!), or if you are exclusively homo- or hetero- instead of bi-sexual, don't be disturbed by the academics. The first thing I learned in matriculating in a doctoral program was that the academic faculty was ignorant of nearly everything that wasn't its speciality and was biased to incredible degrees within and without its specialties.

Look to your inner experience. Forget what "scientists" say.

[muzhroom]

What I find so disturbing is how judgemental Gays are with Bisexual people when the Gays are so desperately seeking equality and for straights not to Judge them.

My wife and I were visiting in Denver and by mistake went to a lesbian bar, my wife is bisexual and when she told one of the ladies who was hitting on her she was bi, about 6 of them wanted to jump my wife and give her a good beating. Luckily I was with her and they backed off. They were mad as hell that a bisexual was in their bar. They did not like it either that straight guy (me) was in their bar.

What is the difference in those lesbians and homophobic straights? Why is it anyone else's business what one's sexual orientation is. Why should people have to worry about appeasing opinions. Live and let Live... If you don't agree then go fuck yourself and maybe you should give live in Saudi.

[Ritchie 48]

Here Here Gurlydon I am who i am and i don't need some guy with a white coat labeling me ,so i couldn't agree more. No if i could ever get my wife to agree with me .......

[JimInSD]

In my limited experience, straights want us to be "straight" and gays wish us to come out as "homosexual" I am neither, I appreciate and am attracted to members of both pursuits. Has anyone else ever had people trying to put you in either camp?

[dizzychainsaw]

A gay male co-worker of mine told me that "you are either gay, straight, or slutty". That was a little offensive. Another guy I know said that women can be bi but men can't. He said that women "get drunk and start making out" but men don't. What a hypocrite!

[clovermoon]

There are no gay people just straights that haven't come out yet.

[Mobydick187]

My gay best friend doesn't really understand my sexuality, he thinks I'm gay but I tell him time and time again that I enjoy both sexes equally. It's a bit frustrating

[BiCycler]

Wow! I just read through all the posts in this thread and part 1 as well after reading both parts I and II of the article. All sorts of discussion took place in my head as I was reading (things I wanted to type here). In my experience, men, or at least this man, can be bisexual. I am bisexual. I enjoy and am stimulated by women and men. Call that what you want, it's all semantics. Physically, I'm a male. I was born that way and I had no choice. I like being a man. My "confusion" consisted of not understanding the pendulum swings I experienced in regards to my arousal. For some period of time, I'd find myself attracted to women, at other times to men. I never really knew when the swings would take place. They just would. Until I let go of the common notion that things are black or white, on or off, I did not understand my own sexuality. I told people, I was bisexual. I think I now understand that bisexuality. I no longer soul search for what is "wrong" with me. I too have experienced reprehension from gay and lesbian people. One lesbian friend told me she didn't believe in bisexuality. I was stunned at first, but am beginning to understand that people are egocentric in their world view. The old, 'I see the world like this so why doesn't everyone else', thing. I know I must have my biases too. As for the arrogance to suggest that people don't know themselves and therefor must be lying if they say they are bisexual is ridiculous and close minded. I'm very lucky to have friends, who are gay, lesbian or straight that accept me, want to be around me and know all about me. To the point, I know. I am very troubled that my gay and lesbian friends who tell me there is no such thing as bisexuality are themselves members of society that experience prejudice and judgment and hatred for who they are. I can not understand how people that experience such things and stand up for their right to be who they are can also be so close minded.

[elduderino]

I read about this study at a very vulnerable time, and it definitely influenced me, probably in a harmful way. I had always questioned every aspect of my sexuality, and the very idea of sex made me terribly anxious. I was obsessed with the possibility that i could be gay, and in denial, and for some reason, i was complete TERRIFIED of it. I had all the symptoms of Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and every second of my social life was permeated by fear. I had admitted to myself that I had homosexual fantasies, but i was still holding onto the idea that i was not at all homosexual, and that all of these fantasies had logical explanations other than me being bi or gay - because i want to have sex with women not to PROVE anything but because women genuinely arouse me, gay porn does not turn me on, and I cannot get aroused solely from watching hot random guys. Then I realized that my gayness has a certain emotional component that porn cannot simulate, and that was a huge breakthrough, but i still identified solely as bicurious, and while i told almost EVERYONE THIS (i don't know why, because i wasn't comfortable with it) - i still had all of the same Homosexual Obessessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms. I even told some people that I was just completely gay, and yet I still had the same symptoms around them. Then I read this article and it totally shattered my identity because it was always my worst fear that I was maybe lying to myself, or that someone would accuse me of being a liar, even though I wasn't lying about anything, but here it said in one of the biggest newspapers YOU"RE LYING, SHAME ON YOU. So I tried in vain to fuck every male that moved, and these forced sexual experiences were humiliating and unsatisfying because the emotional component was not there. I've never had that emotional connection with a male that felt the same way towards me (not since i was a child), but i know that I am capable of achieving that and I would like to, I just haven't met the right guy. However, I have had these emotional experiences with women, and I enjoy sex with women, plain and simple. The sexual based OCD symptoms have definitely lessened since my homosexual experiences, but I have learned that just because some asshole from Harvard did a study that says you like males exclusively doesn't mean its true. Besides - technically I fall into the "confused straight male" category because I only like straight porn, but I have wild gay fantasies and I don't need some scientist's validation for them, and anyone who disagrees with this reasoning is judgemental and not worth being friends with anyway.

[roy m cox]

"oh god" i must be a real oddball cuzz eversinse i was really young i have always been turned on by both sexes ,,
i have dated men and women and love every one of them =
i am very happy with my boyfriend i am dating now he knows i am BI and he wants me to get a girl friend to just as long as she'll love and take care of me as he duzz ,, so i just don't get wear thou's doctors and people get this idea
that people are lying about liking both sexes cuzz i know i do and would love to have both at the same time if i could heh guess they are wrong heck id even go for a 4some or more for that mater

but i am happy being 100% BISEXUAL and damn proud of it to....

[ianelson]

There are many shades of grey between black and white.
I'm Bi, I'm one of them.

hello..guy....im bi..from phlippines...how are yah
hope u too see

[chucky5150]

Ok folks....this is my first posting. Both my wife and I are bi-sexual. Now let me give you my own personal definition of bi-sexual.....for what its worth.

We are both deeply committed to eachother. We have no desire to swing or include other partners in our lives or sexual activities. Neither of us desires to be with anyone else, opposite sex or same sex. Cheating is cheating. Neither of us feels we are missing out on anything by not playing with the same sex.

Both of us have been in extremely loving and comitted relationships with same sex partners, as well as opposite sex, prior to us meeting. We have seriously dated same sex partners as well as opposite. To both of us it is not the meat suit that houses the heart, brain, and soul of a person, but just those things that one falls in love with in a person. To us, the gender means nothing. People should be free to love who they fall in love with, regardless of gender, race, etc......

I truly believe that the majority of the population is afraid to feel this freedom based on the societal rules placed upon the by the MINORITY....the Straight Heterosexuals and the Straight Gays.

[halobeam]

To both of us it is not the meat suit that houses the heart, brain, and soul of a person, but just those things that one falls in love with in a person. To us, the gender means nothing. People should be free to love who they fall in love with, regardless of gender, race, etc......

well said...my girlfriend and I are both bisexuals (both female) and we are in committed relationships to each other. My gf never had male partner and she is my first girlfriend and I have fallen deeply in love that I would love to marry her (don't tell her that yet). I think some also confuse act of sex with sexuality, any virgin can be bi, gay, lesbian, hetero etc...they don't have to have sex to know what their sexuality is...I am glad I never read such stories before coming out or when i was trying to come out after coming out to myself...it would have made it very complicated and difficult. I am glad I was welcomed by gays and lesbians as well as my family...these stories will really closet bisexuals...

[RIKKIDLTN]

I'm definitely bi. No confusion. No lies. I'm probably a K-2, but sometimes I feel like a K-3...

[Devildog78]

ERRR!!!!

I am so sick of Gay people dismissing my Bisexuality!!! For that reason, all my friends are STRAIGHT and BI with the exception of one.

I just makes me want to Yell...I have been questioned countless times, had numerous Gay men tell me I was just going through a phase, etc, since I was 15 years old. I am now in my 30s and I am still Bisexual!

I'm at the point where I want the B in GLBTIA taken out. So fucking tired of being lumped into this Subculture where Sexuality engenders Ethnicity and this absurd sense of Minority Discrimination and Leftist Politics....I'm not a part of it, never was, never will be.

Gays can have their little closed minded world, retreat to the Sexuality specific Social Centers and go jump off the same bridge at once for all I care.

I'm done with it and ever trying to come to terms with being a part of that culture and population!

Yes, I am an angry man...so what! Ha Ha Ha!

[Sparkling Diamond]

Nobody can decide about our inner selves for ouselves. I have read quite a lot about Bailey's experiment over the pat few years and I find it totally appaling. It reflects some biased people's mindset. It's as if someone told me I'm not left-handed, despite the obivous truth.
Sexual attraction cannot be measured at one setting, using very short video clips, with bodies shown that may not appeal to anyone. Personally, I feel a femme inside and my erection on men comes in only in special circumstances, when I am, for example, carressed, touched and when I see masculine guys wearing sexy clothes. But even then it's physically hardly pronounced. My reaction on female bodies would be more visible, but this doesn't make me any less bisexual than I am
Attractions manifest themselves in different ways: I'd like sexual intimacy with a guy I'm emotionally and intelligently attracted to.

[bellaserra86]

hi everyone, new to the site, and well bisexuality. i find this thread so interesting!! and thank everyone for sharing their stories and thoughts!!! I am 24 years old and have liked men and men only. recently i have been attracted to a female friend of mine. Although this is very confusing to me, i feel like it is natrual. it is not a struggle for me to express my feelings to her, or in front of our mutual friends! I still find men attractive but she is the only woman!! wondering if this has ever happened to any other bi sexual people out there!!!!?

[Solar]

Well! I lived in nudist clubs for 11 years and although I sometimes liked CD and some other harmless whatnot, after a few years, I started noticing that some guys had nice dicks and wow!
On more than one occasion, my wife and I were offered sexual liasions with other couples. I was flattered but my wife was insulted.
One night however.... I was DJ'ing a party and there was a couple parked next to us that were totally inebriated. I was stone cold sober, having worked all night. Long story short, they ended up in our RV, where all kinds of debauchery ensued. While the gentleman present was impaling my wife, I decided to test the waters of bisexuality. I used my tongue to lubricate his penis as it slid in and out of her vagina.
This confirmed my bisexuality to me. I didn't like the hair, I remember that! I enjoyed it immensely as did my wife. We both cemented the fact that we were both bisexual and we kissed on it.
I am proud and not shy to be bisexual, because that is what I am, but it could get you killed in our present society,including my dad! So, still in the closet!

[tsmvb45]

I think that Mr. Bailey does not know what he is talking about because he can't prove what people feel. I think he making some noise so he can write another book so he can get a few more bucks. He can't tell me how I feel. I have been attracted by both Men & Women for a long time. I just have'nt always acted on it because I have'ent be able to find a Bi-Sexual yet. I usualy hook up with str8 Women like I am at this time.

[swmnkdinthervr]

“What troubles me is Bailey's implicit assumption that he can answer this very personal matter for other people.

That's a very telling statement and what is even more troubling is apparently the good "Doctor Bailey, former head of Psychology" doesn't recognize the codependency of his assumptions!!!