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Regrets, we all have a few, some we'll divulge willing, others we will take to our graves. For me, today, I don't regret for one second being bisexual but that wasn't always the case. Growing up I didn't know why I liked cock, I just did. I thought it was grossly unfair and I wanted to be normal like the rest of my friends. I now realise that normal is boring.

Over time that regret shifted, partly due to some of the stories on the forums and from what I have heard from other friends. Many teenage boys experiment sexually with other boys. Boys will be boys, however this boy never really had the opportunity. It's simply something that didn't seem to exist when I was a teenager and lord knows, I was definitely horny enough. I firmly believe had I caught some same-sex action (anal or oral, it probably wouldn't have mattered) during his pivotal period in my life then my sexuality wouldn't have been such an issue for most of my life.

This was obviously something that was out of my control, if there are no willing partners there are no willing partners. The closest I ever came was watching porn with a friend. It required one of us to start masturbating but I was too shy so it was never going to be me and I think he was waiting for me to start. Stalemate, but doubt masturbation, unless mutual, would've had the desired effect. I regret that, I should've flopped it out.

I regret not at least letting the dirty horny teenager inside of me out. That way at least I was "advertising". Someone needs to be the instigator.

I regret not playing with my anus as a teenager. I have always had a fascination with that area and felt it was a two-way street but never had the guts to stick anything up there until my forties. What a waste.

I regret not saying "yes" many years ago when I was asked if I was "bisexual or gay". I lied. That denial thing again. Lying made it that much harder to accept.

I regret not sleeping naked from my teens. I didn't discover this until I was 34, however I've slept topless since 14 or 15. Naked is the only way now regardless of season or who is in the house. I secretly feel like I hope to be seen. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist.

I regret not working out my body issues until I was 30. I love being naked but body issues kept me from showing any part of my body in public or even on a platform such as this forum. I've posted pictures of my ass, cock and chest and whilst there still is a moment of angst doing so I've accepted that no body is perfect, least of all mine.

As an adult, I had one friend offer to suck my cock but I hadn't accepted my sexuality, still in denial even though I was hard as a rock when I read the message and very much wanted it. My brain just couldn't get passed it even though I knew I was attracted to him, the opportunity was lost. I regret that, it probably would've ended up being a 69. One good thing that came out of that is it started the bisexuality ball rolling.

I regret not manscaping from an earlier age. I doubt I would've done this as a teenager but in my twenties I had a love hate relationship with my pubic hair. I wanted it gone but was too embarrassed to even try it and it took until I was 38 before I did. I was nervous when I did, it would take a long time to grow back, what if I hated it? Once I shaved it all off I then felt embarrassed but it didn't take long for that to fade and I've shaved my cock and balls bare once or twice a week since then. My doctor and a Sonographer have seen my bare cock and it didn't actually phase me. It's quite common. I will never shave my armpits though. I love my armpit hair. I'm proud of it and as you can see, I like showing it off. I see it as part of being a man. I'm weird like that.

I regret not being active on Shy-Bi-Guys when I signed up. I was a lurker. Talking about my sexuality on here has helped immensely. Admitting on the forums that I love cock and are both sexually and romantically attracted to men and women (in that order) makes me feel I'm no longer living a lie. People know, even if they don't actually know me. It makes me feel a part of the LGTBQ community. It makes me feel free and I finally feel normal. Could've happened years ago.

These are the main regrets I have that I feel are related to my sexuality, do you have any?

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]This begins with a story. A kinda friend challenged me to a game of marbles and, admittedly, he was pretty good... just not good enough. I accepted his challenge and, oh, maybe twenty minutes later, I had every marble he owned including his very best ones.

"You cock sucker!" he blurted out and I was immediately pissed and so much that I had punched him in the nose before I realized my hand was moving. I felt bad watching his nose bleed... because I punched him in the nose because he was right:

I was a cock sucker. Now, the concepts of being good or bad at it never crossed my mind but I'll say that in those early days, what I lacked in experience I made up for with great enthusiasm and, of course, the more cocks I sucked, the better I got at it.

Why I remembered this moment escapes me but doing so had me remembering just how easy it was for a guy to get me to suck his dick and as easy as all another boy had to do was pull his dick out and give me a look and my own dick would get painfully hard just thinking about having his dick in my mouth and even more so if, by chance, he was shooting jizz (as we learned to call it).

Big ones. Small ones. The only cocks I wouldn't suck were the uncut ones but they got to fuck me and for no other reason than if it was in my ass, I couldn't see it. And, yes, I sucked quite a few adult dicks and many were amazed at how eager - and, perhaps - how good I was at it as well as the fact that when they shot their jizz, I swallowed it right down... even if it happened to taste yucky.

Cock sucking has always been my favorite boy/boy thing to do and while I did like being fucked, it became a very secondary thing in my mind. Pull your dick out. Lemme get my mouth on it and make it feel as good as I can so you can shoot the jizz in my mouth so I can swallow it.

Anywhere. Any time. Two dicks that can be sucked? No problem; lemme do this one first and I'll be right with you but, if you're feeling left out, you can always suck my dick while you wait... and, yeah, some days, I really did have a couple of guys lined up waiting for me to blow them as I blew another guy. When we had enough guys, we'd do a daisy chain and then run it back in reverse and too many times, I'd be blowing a guy while another guy was blowing me and, a few times, I'd have one guy in my mouth, one sucking my dick, and another guy with his dick buried in my ass and as I laid on my side.

Good times.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I know that most men hate having a female boss, they can become overbearing and annoying, my female boss is neither, she is the like minded soul that loves to reward you with lots of private adult sex. Let me set the stage, she is the same age as I am , 58 yrs old married and keeps her body in good shape. On the job site she is a tough cookie, but in private she is a sexual animal.

I have to admit she is not my immediate report, I am an engineer who babysits our projects, I make sure everything is done to our specs. She on the other hand makes sure the schedule and project gets completed on time and on budget. One night while having dinner and some drinks she was feeling a little tipsy and blurted out do you know how hard it is to maintain my composer with so many fucking studs walking around. I said yea it must be tough. At the same time I am wondering why she made such a comment, but I figured I would see where it goes. After some shop talk she began moving into some personal stuff, and what she likes to do in her off time. She asked me if I was married ? Yes I said but in an open relationship, she smiled and said wow that’s awesome, so in other words you can openly fuck who ever you want and tel your wife and it is ok? Yep I said,

Now she was very suggestive and asking how I would eat her pussy and how I liked my dick sucked. Fuck it I said she is talking like she wants me to fuck her brains out, I described how I would enjoy eating her pussy until she orgasmed on my face and as I talked she was like so ok show me. We went back to our Hotel and in the room she said you know we have to keep this on the down low, I know and once we were in private she reached down and felt my half hardon, she smiled and said you can do better than that. I reached down her jeans and fingered her cunt and she was soaked, holy shit women you are soaked, she smiled and said eat me now, I ripped off her clothes and and she layed on the bed as I face fucked her until she moaned so loud I thought who ever was in the next room was going to hear us. My cock was now super hard and I without warning got up and shoved it in as deep and hard as I could. She blurted out oh fuck that feels so good, but don’t cum in me I can still get pregnant. I fucked this skank for over 1/2 hour and when I said I’m cumming I pulled out grabbed her head and fed her my 3 day load. She swallowed every drop and wanted more. What I night it was in that small hotel room, it after 3 rounds of fucking was stinking odor of sex.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I tell people about my youthful days... and some are shocked at how much my friends and I were into this and the depths and lengths we'd go to have sex with each other... and I've said and admitted that when I think about, shit, I'm often embarrassed by it.

We'd dare each other - and now because it became a kind of habit albeit a silly one. Even when a bunch of us would be sitting around and vetoing "normal" things to do in favor of having sex, the dare was kinda implied like the day it was proposed that all ten of us present would take turns sucking everyone's dick until they shot - then after those nine guys got done, the next guy would replace the first time and this would continue until all ten of us had sucked and been sucked.

Yeah... what a day that was. But in this, the unspoken dare was really implied to give anyone a chance to gracefully decline but no one did and I still vividly remember throwing up all the sperm in my belly, rinsing my mouth out good, and going right back to sucking dicks.

"Damn... you and your boys were really into that shit, huh?"

Yes... and unbelievably so. After a while, the unspoken dare took the form of, "I dare you not to do it!" than it was daring someone to do something since it became very clear that daring someone to do a thing was really a waste of time; of course any of us was gonna do it and more so when we'd been doing it with and to each other all along.

Even after we grew up, moved away, or just moved away from sex with boys, even having a guy asking me to suck his dick or if he could fuck me had the undertones of a dare - "I dare you to tell me you ain't gonna do it!" I learned pretty quick to not accept some dares of this nature because, well, some guys are just total assholes when their dick gets hard and they wanna have sex.

Dares would be accepted, not just because we really wanted to do the nasty to each other, but there was no one among us who wanted to be tagged as being afraid to do it. I wasn't a chicken or a punk or a scardy cat; you wanted to do it? Bring it on! More than one guy wanted to do it? Bring them, too - it wasn't like I hadn't had multiple guys do it to me before. The only dares I kinda turned down was those offered up by guys who wanted their uncut dick sucked - no way I was putting that ugly thing in my mouth! You can put it in my ass before I'd let you put it in my mouth!

The good thing here was there was only two uncut guys in our group and I knew they were unhappy that I wouldn't blow them... and I didn't care if they were. Otherwise, sure - you could dare me to have sex with you and be sure of the fact that I wasn't going to say no unless, of course, I had more pressing things to do like be where my parents could easily find me.

Just one of the many games we played so we could dive deep into our exploration of sex with each other... and a game I think wasn't really needed.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]One guy, while he was happily screwing me, actually whispered in my ear, "I dare you to let me shoot my stuff in your butt!" and I looked over my shoulder at him like he'd lost his mind since, um, it wasn't like he had never creamed my hole before.

So I said, "I dare you not to shoot it!" Well, he failed but I knew he would but he did try and after he pulled out of me and we traded places so I could fuck him he had said, "That was stupid, wasn't it?"

"Yep," I said and drove my dick all the way into his ass.

Yet another guy dared me to let him suck my dick and shoot in his mouth while we were spending the weekend with each other. That dare was interesting because, as it turned out, that meant no matter where we were. I did ask him why he felt the need to dare me to let him do something that we both knew he loved doing... and he just shrugged. I also shrugged at his non-answer, stepped out of my pants and underwear and slipped my dick between his lips and thinking that he didn't need to dare me to let him do something that, again, he loved doing, he was good at, and I loved the way he sucked me.

Kids, right? I figured out that the dare was really more of an excuse more than anything else and an easier way to propose sex and to my recollection - and within our group - no one ever rejected the dare even when we moved into the group sex portion of things and one guy got dared to let all five of us do it to him in his mouth and butt. The guy did think about it for a whole minute - then said, "Okay!" He stripped down and, yeah, buddy, we all did it to him... several times each and by the time things had to break up, he was a happy - and very spermy - mess.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]Sometimes the dares got... interesting in that the guy putting the dare on the table would dare me or someone else to do it with a guy who, usually, hadn't done it with another boy yet. I was hanging with a guy and his brother and the guy dared me to let his brother suck my dick; a quick glance at the brother reveal that, oh, yeah, he was ready to do it so accepting the dare - after some fake thought - was easy... but sometimes, the brother would be put on the spot and now he's the one who's doing the real thinking and, I think, mostly about why his brother wanted him to suck dick or take in the ass.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Sometimes they'd decline and understandably so but I would wonder about the nature of the dare and figured out that the brother putting the dare on the table really wanted to do it to his brother... and that was the only way to get him introduced or, I guess, set the table for the daring brother to do it to his sibling.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I'd later understand the concept of peer pressure and daring someone to do something sexual was the way to apply that pressure; it was a lot more... palatable than to tell someone to do it... or else and when they weren't of a mind to do anything like that. I do think, however, that exploring this aspect of sex was a very big deal and the dare would be used to, let's say, spread the excitement or just a silly kind of way to let one guy know that the dare was really another guy saying that he wanted to have sex.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I guess the thing that made it so silly to me was that within our group, no dare or other pressure was needed and more so when we'd deliberately veto other and non-sexual things we could do in favor of getting naked and busting nuts with each other until it couldn't be done again.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I look back at the early days of my sexual and sexuality journey and I remember so much of that time and how... silly a lot of boys were in that they knew they wanted to do it with another boy but would disguise it by daring guys to do this or that.

We "dared" each other... a lot. When the dares first got started among us, I thought it was fun but after the first few times, eh, I had to ask myself why we kept playing the dare game when whoever was there was gonna take on the dare? It made sense whenever we'd get some new kid who wanted to hang out with us and some would take on the dare (and with great glee) while others would beg off and that would very likely be the last time they'd want to hang out with us.

We pretty much lived to have sex with each other and the drive to do it was... powerful beyond belief. We were all hooked on it but we'd still dare each other to do something that we knew we wanted to do. I'd be with one of my horny friends and we'd both know that we wanted to do it to each other and, sometimes, the proposition would come in the form of the dare: I dare you to suck my dick or I dare you to let me stick it in you or I dare you to cum in my mouth/ass - silly stuff like that.

Just playing a game? Probably. Occasionally - and when I'd make a new friend - I eventually learned to expect and anticipate the dare because they didn't know if I liked it with boys (and provided they didn't ask The Question first); then I'd find myself faking like I was leery about accepting the dare and maybe they could see I was faking at being reluctant? I guess it didn't matter because I'd take a few long minutes acting like I was seriously thinking about it - then accept the dare and the nasty fun would commence.[/SIZE][/FONT]

So I guess I should post a little of my history on here and as succinct as possible.

I am a 44-year-old married crossdresser trying to explore some of my bi-curious tendencies.

I have been married to my wife for almost 20 years now but we have been together for over 23.

I told my wife I was a crossdresser about 5 months into dating her because I was so afraid that if I waited too long and she found out it would be over, as you can tell she took it better than expected.

Fast forward 10 years or so and I tell her I am very bi-curious and that leads to me talking about it (a lot) as a form of bedroom talk and not much further than that.

2 weeks ago I finally admitted I really want to be with a man to at least satisfy my curiosity or if I like it to have someone I can be with, the wife agrees and here we are now.

If you want to know something, send me a message and I will be more than happy to chat about pretty much anything.

Thanks for reading.
Cynthia