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[FONT=courier new][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There was an... ebb between making the transition from youth to adult. I say "ebb" rather than "lull" because it was still stupidly easy to get your hand and mouth on a dick, well, it was for me anyway. Still, I found there were less guys hitting on me, not that it was disappointing or a problem - it was just something I had noticed and the few guys from the old neighborhood that I had been able to stay in touch with said pretty much the same thing.

Then, oh, around the late 1970s, things started to pick up again and in the form of "new guys" wanting to find out what it was like to have sex with another dude... and I mean a lot of new guys and where I now lived, I knew most of them because they were either neighbors or, often, guys I'd play basketball with at the park across the street from my house.

Some guys would kinda hem and haw without much success; it was just too easy for me to figure out why we'd be talking about one thing and then the guy is fumbling with his words, dropping "hints" that Stevie Wonder could see, and just making themselves look silly. It would make me ask myself - and, then, maybe ask them, "Why don't you just say/ask what you want to say/ask?"

Some guys were more... direct. Even then, their transition from us talking about something to talking about this was often not so smooth - but smoother than the guys who, all of a sudden, couldn't speak English.

I had figured out that a lot of guys who were very busy in their younger days were growing out of it or just focusing their lust solely on women so I'd often find myself getting surprised by guys who, at least in public, were totally against men having sex with men but privately? Into it up to their eyeballs... or wanting to be. I learned to be "suspicious" with any guy I played ball with who would come by and want to talk to me outside of playing ball and my suspicions would usually be confirmed to find out that they wanted to play a different kind of ball with me.[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It happens; it has always happened and will continue to happen and maybe because nature itself just will not be denied? It doesn't always go wonderfully well and sometimes it's all that and there's nothing that comes close to what it's like to have sex with your brother or your favorite male cousin who is probably just as close to you as a brother would be. I know way too many guys who got started with cock in this fashion; I know how they felt about it, how much it both scared and delighted them and even how long it took some guys to get over any... trauma and to realize that, okay, maybe it didn't happen in a good way... but it was both good and bad to have sex with each other, whether it was a one-time thing or something that became a matter of routine, as it were.

You knew, if nothing else, that if you struck out with the ladies, there was this one guy who'd not only understand how fucked up that could be but he'd be more than willing to, ah, help you get over it. It's not supposed to happen... yet it does. Lots of shame associated with this but I'll tell you the one thing I learned - other than this ain't nothing new - is that there's little shame to be had when brothers do what they both want to do. Sadly, some guys do get forced into it and it becomes the well-heralded nightmare everyone says the "I" word is... but not always and that's the part no one ever wants to talk about or admit to.

It just is what it is and if nothing else, I think, because that brotherly bond is already there, it almost makes sense in a weird sort of way. You know this guy. Lived with him. Seen him naked more times than you can count. And, yeah, maybe you've seen him naked and wondered what it would be like to play with his dick but, nah, you're not gonna say anything because he just might get offended and punch you in the fact or maybe even run and tell mom and dad what you proposed to him. And that does happen... but I don't think it "always" happens as a matter of course because some weird kind of "logic" says that if you wanna do it with him and he wants to do it with you, well, no harm, no foul...

Just don't get caught.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"We both thought they did," he replied. "Ha - we both knew that just because neither of them would say anything about something didn't mean they didn't know about it," he said. "It just made us be more careful and trying not to behave in such a way that would make one or both of them ask us what's going on with us."

"But?" I asked and because the way he said it, you could hear that there was a "but" coming.

"Yeah... that. One day, I was helping my dad with something when he all of a sudden asked me, "Is he making you have sex with him?" Dude... if you could have seen the look on my face! I realize now that just the way I reacted told him everything he needed to know but I was trying to act like I didn't know what he was talking about."

"He obviously knew or figured it out," I said. "What did he say?"

"He said that as long as he wasn't forcing me to have sex with him, well, don't let your mother find out," he said. "I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me and then go beat even more shit out of my brother... but all he said after that was that he knew that boys had to be boys."

"Later, I found out that he had had a similar conversation with my brother, you know, when we had a chance to let each other know what our father had said. My brother said that dad told him that if he found out that he was forcing himself on me, he was going to kick his ass and like he'd never had his ass kicked before. My brother said that he told dad that, no, no force was involved and that it was something we both just wanted to do and agreed to."

"I didn't know what to think about that," he had said, shaking his head.

"I think a lot of parents know about this and some just wait to see if it becomes a problem and if it doesn't, they aren't gonna do or say anything... and maybe they know that at some point, it's just gonna stop," I said. "Shit... when our mother caught us, I knew I was gonna die and I'm never gonna forget what she said to me about it. I didn't get the terrible beating I had expected to get but, yeah, I kinda think she knew what we had been doing no matter how careful we thought we were being."

"You got lucky... and I think me and my brother got lucky, too," he said. "Um, look, um, all of this got me horny as fuck - do you think we can help each other out with this?" I had to admit that us talking about this had my dick painfully hard and it was funny to watch him trying to hide his own boner. After agreeing to just suck each other off, yeah, it was very nice but it was more like... relieving the pressure of the moment, like blowing each other was a safety valve.

"So when did you and your brother stop?" he had asked.

"When he died," I said.

"Oh, shit - I'm sorry to hear that he died!" he had exclaimed.

"Shit always happens," I said, trying to not let the memory of that night come back to haunt me. "Did you and your brother finally stop?"

"Uh, nope," he said. "As a matter of fact, I'm meeting with him in a few minutes so we can do a little something! I want to thank you again for letting me air my head out over this; it was hard not being able to talk to someone about it."

"I understand - and there's no need to thank me," I said, getting to my feet and preparing to leave.

"You're welcome to join us if you want to," he offered and, honestly? I thought about it but said, "Maybe next time."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Now, it wasn't like I didn't already know about brothers doing each other; shit... it was pretty much routine for almost anyone with a brother to get down and dirty with each other. But it's always... fascinating to hear how others react to this, what they thought then and now, how they felt about it.

After some refreshments, he went on to say that him and his brother spent the rest of their time before dinner sucking each other off until they couldn't get hard again.

"It was scary as fuck... and more exciting than when I first had sex with a girl," he said. "I couldn't believe how much I was into sucking his dick! And he was clearly very much into sucking mine. Later, we were talking about it and, I dunno, we just kinda agreed that we should do that again and whenever we could. I wanted to but I was afraid to and I could tell he was thinking the same way."

"Yeah... you were both probably thinking about what might happen if you got caught or your parents got suspicious, huh?" I asked.

"You know it - you had to be thinking along the same lines, right?" he asked.

"Of course... but the funny thing was we didn't care. Well, no - that's not quite right; we did care about getting caught - remind me to tell you about when we did get caught - but that didn't seem to matter." I said.

He went on to tell me how quickly things went from them sucking each other and getting to the fucking part of things. "His dick was way bigger than mine," he had said. "Everybody knew that it hurt to get fucked in the ass and I really didn't want him to fuck me... but I wanted him to. I can't say what changed my mind about it and maybe it was him saying that if I let him fuck me, I could fuck him? I just don't know about that but what I do know was that, yeah, even after getting all slick and everything, it hurt like a bitch when he put it in my ass... and it felt really good, too."

"He came in my ass... and I felt sick to my stomach... and so good it wasn't funny," he said. "Shit... when he pulled out and told me to stick it in him, I actually hurt myself rushing to do it; I realized I had somehow sprained my ankle! But I'll tell you this: I never loved my brother more than in the moment I slid my dick in his ass and came inside him. It was like it was the final step that finalized the bond between us and a bond that made us more than brothers - does that makes sense?"

"It really does," I said, remembering my own thoughts and feelings.

After another break to whet our whistles, he went on to tell me how it became and every day thing for them even if they'd gotten lucky with some girl and got some pussy. "Going both ways now was... exciting. It was really satisfying and, I think, more so when the dick I was getting belonged to my brother," he had said. "I felt like a freak, still felt that this shit was about as wrong as it gets... but it also felt like the right and natural thing to do - and I know you know what I mean."

"Weird, ain't it?" I asked. "Did your parents suspect anything funny was going on?"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"My brain was all over the place," the guy had said. "I didn't remember saying yes but I guess I must have! I felt really bad and bad enough that I wanted to throw up but, at the same time, I felt good... and it took me a lot of years after that day to admit that I liked it - but that's easy to do after the fact, isn't it?"

I allowed that it was and waited for him to continue. He went on to tell me how it felt when his brother came in his mouth; he had said, and I think in a joking kind of way, "He could have warned me, right?" We both laughed about that for a moment then he went on to first say that his brother thanked him for "helping him out" - and then offered to do the same for him. He said that it was weird because he wanted to and didn't want to all at the same time.

"Do you know what I mean?" he asked.

"I actually do," I said.

He went on to say that he just nodded his reply then was kind of hypnotized to watch his brother pull his pants and underwear down - and was very surprised to find his dick was quite hard - then even more surprised when his brother started sucking his dick.

"It was a bad thing to do... but, damn it, it felt so good!" he said said. In a way, he was echoing the same thing I had thought right after my first experience with a dick. "He made me cum so fast that I didn't know what hit me; man, it was both horrible and glorious all at the same time... and the bad part?"

"What was that?" I asked.

"I wanted to do it all over again," he said, looking down at his feet. "It was as wrong as fuck and I knew it and I knew that he had to know it, too... but it just felt right, ya know? I figured out, years later, that the one thing that stood out to me more than anything else was that I trusted him and more than I had ever really trusted anyone - does that make sense?"

"It does - he's your brother; if you can't trust him, who can you trust?" I asked. Since he had shared with me, I told him how I knew what he knew, how my own brother pestered me until I caved in and did what he wanted us to do.

"So you do know," he said - the look on his face was one that suggested that a great weight had been lifted from him. "Let me guess - it didn't stop after that first time, did it?"

"No, it didn't," I said. "One thing I figured out was how convenient it was since we both slept in the same bed; it wasn't like I hadn't been doing it - and a lot - with other guys but, yeah - he was always right there. I trusted him but the funny thing is that much later, we kinda became bitter enemies... except when he wanted to have sex with me and my brain would tell me to tell him to fuck off... but something deeper would always say yes."

"Wow," he said. "That had to be crazy!"

"Like you wouldn't believe," I said. "I'm thinking that you and your brother wasn't a one-time thing either..."

"Hell, no, it wasn't," he said. "Let's get something cold to drink and I'll tell you about it and. before I forget, thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"For letting me get this off my chest and sharing your own experience with, um, with, shit... that "I" thing."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It's a bad word; a word that's so bad that it can make a person's guts get all watery and makes them physically ill. It's forbidden and unthinkable... yet, many a guy has learned this aspect of sex with a brother or a cousin. People will say that this trip isn't necessary, that there are other outlets available for one to experience and explore sex and that if your older brother steps to you, pull his dick out, and says, "Suck it!" you should refuse, run away as fast as you can, and rat him out to the peeps.

People, you know, if they had the nerve to ask, would ask why you'd even consider having sex with your brother and, I think, without first thinking about some stuff before asking the question. Things like familiarity - you know this guy. You literally grew up with him. Probably even slept in the same room with him and it's a good bet that you've seen him naked more times than you care to think about or remember... but most of all, he's someone you can trust even if, "normally," you don't get along with as well as parents think brothers should get along.

I was talking to a guy some years ago about this very thing because, as he had said, he needed to get it off his chest, not so much in a confession kind of way but he needed to be able to wrap his head around the fact - once and for all - having lots of sex (as he put it) with his brother. He told me of the day his bro came into their room agitated and pissed off, muttering to himself and cussing about something which turned out to be some girl who had just dumped him. The guy said he sat there listening to his brother rant and rave; he said that, to him, it seemed like in the one moment, his brother was going on and on about "that worthless bitch" and the next moment, his brother had asked him to suck his dick to help him out because he needed help.

The guy said he heard these words and was filled with fear and panic; he said that he had told his brother no, that it was wrong and they could get into trouble... but he also said that it seemed like he blinked and the next thing he knew, he had his brother's cock in his mouth and doing his best to suck on it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]As an adult, bleh - it's just not the same; too much shit to do, too many responsibilities that cannot be set aside or ignored like being married, dealing with the ins and outs of raising and providing for a family while trying to find both the time - and someone - who'd be interested in getting dicks out, getting them hard, and making them soft again.

I'd manage all of that just fine... but it just wasn't the same, ya know? Free to act... but often lacking that real sense of freedom that comes when having sex with a guy is the only thing to be concerned with; there's no rush, no overriding sense of urgency; not much in the way of being paranoid about who's gonna find out or even getting caught in the act.

When you grow up and start adulting, gone are the carefree days of summer and while sex with guys hasn't lost it's appeal and excitement... it's just not the same being in that rush of exploration when you find out that sex with guys can be, at times, even more fun and satisfying than with a girl.

I miss that summer heat...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Still, there were times when sucking dick just wasn't enough and the answer was to fuck each other. Sometimes whoever I was with would agree that, nah, we don't need to fuck - we can just suck... but at some point, we'd either agree that we should fuck or, what usually happened, is one of us would blurt out, "Fuck me! Stick it in me!" and it would be done without hesitation even though it wasn't an option to begin with.

Then we'd get finished fucking each other, hit the creek again, and then sit and talk for a moment about doing the one thing we both said - or thought - we didn't need to do. We did it... and now it was just a thing to talk about how it felt, maybe what we were thinking as the other guy's dick wormed its way in and out of our butt... and the funny as hell sex sounds we'd utter.

Good times... and on top of the good times we had on those days that weren't so hot that you could cook an egg on the sidewalk.[/SIZE][/FONT]