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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Years go by. He's long gone and my heart still ached. Sex with other guys, while good, just wasn't the same and it was no fault of the other guy, not his fault that he wasn't the guy I loved so much. Some would profess their love for me but it was a sentiment I couldn't honestly return. I'd like them... but loving them? It didn't feel right, that and I knew that I didn't love them.

My lost love spoiled the shit out of me, maybe even "ruined" my ability to fall in love with another guy. I had to learn to stop comparing other guys to him because it wasn't fair to them; not their fault that they weren't him or even close to being like him. And I was really understanding this boy/boy thing and in greater detail than ever before. Sure... most of the time, it was about the sex; dicks being sucked (when allowed) and asses being fucked (also when allowed) but love - the kind that really does touch you heart and soul - wasn't to be found, not without the drama I experienced via my ex-roommate.

Jealousy. Possessiveness. Ranting and raving about my being bisexual when I "knew" I was really gay. Learning a lot of shit about something that was more involved than sex. Making connections in my mind and seeing that some gay men were just like women... and often, worse. More... emotional. Demanding. The continued insistence that i was in great denial about not being gay or their thought that if I were totally gay, I could be so much more. Being told to just give up women and pussy... and I wasn't buying - or even renting - any of it. I knew what they wanted me to be... but I knew what I was: Bisexual. Not ever gonna give up my love for women and pussy... because I didn't have to. And understanding that a lot of those guys didn't understand it.

Could I fall in love with a guy again? It's possible; if nothing else, it was the one thing that taught me to never say never. Do I look for it? No, not really because if I learned nothing else about having sex with men, it's that love doesn't have shit to do with it and it's less complicated just to keep it "friendly" and enough for dicks to get sucked and asses to be fucked. I'm good with that. It's not that I can't feel affection for a guy because I can and it feels good. But I am nothing if not a realist and I know that a guy would have to be very special for me to feel love for him. Maybe I'll meet that guy some day; maybe I never will. It's okay. Doesn't bother me if a guy ain't into me and is just into the sex. It's all good.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My only "beef" with him? He wouldn't fuck me. I understood that, as he put it, he was the girl in this relationship and I found myself talking about what it means to be in love and how important it was to share in everything. I had a very... emotional moment telling him how very much I wanted and needed him to be inside me and how... empty I felt because he wouldn't - literally - fill me with his love and I didn't mean his dick and cum. In a way, I think I fucked up because I made him do it even though I knew he didn't like doing it.

I was still kinda stupid back then and I admit to my wrongdoing in this. Yet, he didn't complain; he'd tell me that he wasn't used to this but if it would make me happy, it made him happy. One day, he's fucking me and he actually said, "I could get used to this... but only with you." It made me happy... and made me feel like an asshole, too. So I stopped insisting that he fuck me and told him that if he wanted to - and I no longer expected or demanded that he want to - that would make me very happy and, yes, make me feel less of an asshole.

He'd do it every now and then and I was indeed happy and felt very loved, too. And as he said, "It's still not my thing to do but my job - my duty - is to make you happy. I never thought I'd like being the one doing the fucking but with you? It's not that bad... just a lot to get used to." Then he came inside me... and I cried.

Pretty deep shit. It trashed my heart and soul when he had to leave and it took me [B]years[/B] to get over losing him. I remember telling him about my roommate and he said, "What a cunt! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that bitch!" It was the first time I'd ever seen him angry and it kinda shocked me for a moment.

"That cunt... that bitch... was the kind of cunt that gives gay men like me a bad name!" he said; his face was beyond beet-red and I was getting concerned about his blood pressure. He calmed down and said, "Let me make it up to you..."

One of the best blow jobs I've ever had in my life. Not just because he was so skilled at it... but because he loved me and I loved him. After I recovered from being drained, he sat astride me, my dick in him as far as it could go... and he just sat there, tears streaming down his face as well as have the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. He laid down on me, kissed me - boy, did I love kissing him - and whispered in my ear, "This is how we're supposed to be." I don't remember how long we laid like that, unmoving; he sat up to fully insert me into him again, gasped, and shot his load and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen... even though I'd seen plenty of guys lose it like that.

Being in love is something else, ain't it?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Years go by. I'm still occasionally having sex with gay men and while some of them behaved as badly as my ex-roommate, the majority of them were really decent dudes and while some of them would get a little pissy about my dick being in pussy, they understood that I wasn't gay like they were and just wouldn't fuss all that much about it.

When I met the guy I fell in love with - and I've written about him here - talk about a breath of very fresh air! He didn't fuss about me being married, didn't fuss about me smelling and tasting like pussy because, as he said, "You're a married man and you gotta keep her happy!" Still, it was a test for me because he was very effeminate and I'd have to admit that my mind hadn't learned anything from having an effeminate roommate so his... girly ways tended to mess with my head, like him crying because he was happy.

An amazing guy. Loving. Caring. Smart, funny, and very open-minded. He was a joy to have sex with and if I thought I was a cock sucking fiend, he made me look like I didn't like sucking dick! Give him any amount of time alone with me and he'd have his face glued to my crotch - and no matter if I was doing anything else. He touched my heart with his vulnerability and, yes, his... girliness. I still couldn't believe how much I loved him because, of course, like a lot of guys, the notion of falling in love with a guy was just impossible; wasn't ever gonna happen... and I was wrong... and glad that I was.

One afternoon when the wife and kids were gone, we were in bed, my dick deep inside him... and we're just lying there together without moving. Tears are streaming down his face but I learned to expect that and was less bothered by it. It was one of the most tenderest moments we'd had at that point; it wasn't exactly about sex but it was about being... joined both physically and emotionally. I'd look into his very green eyes... and feel myself getting lost and [B]really [/B]seeing him, if that makes sense to you.

I don't quite remember cumming inside him; I kinda snapped out of it because he moaned, mumbled, "Yes..." and for a moment, I was really wondering what he was talking about; it was like I was completely unaware of the fact that my dick was inside him. God... I was so in love with him. The sex was unlike anything I'd experienced before with other guys, gay or not. He had a piece of my heart and soul...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]At this point, I have to say that this guy did not give me a bad impression about gay men at all; I was (and still am) smart enough not to condemn all gay men based on how one gay man was behaving.

One weekend, we had a party and he had invited a lot of his friends. Things were going well... then it turned into an orgy once pretty much everyone got all boozed up. Dicks were being sucked and asses were getting fucked... and I'm just kinda sitting there watching it, sometimes stepping around and over bodies on the floor to hit the bathroom or the kitchen. One of his friends must've realized that I was the only one not in the mix so he came over, pulled my dick out, and started blowing me... and my roommate lost his ever-loving mind, yanking the guy away from me, slapping him several times, and yelling, "That's my dick! Leave it alone!"

I got up from where I had been sitting, went over to him and said, "If you hit him again, I'm going to hit you; I don't belong to you and if he wants to blow me, I say he can and if you don't fucking like it, go to your room." I took the guy by the hand, sat back down in the chair, and said to him, "Finish what you were doing..."

The rest of the evening, surprisingly, went well... but my roommate was fuming, giving me dirty looks to see me fucking somebody or blowing them. As an aside, I was the only guy there who didn't get fucked... but I didn't really notice that until the next day. And speaking of the next day - and since it was Saturday - things picked up right where they left off... and my roommate was still acting like a little bitch.

I was so glad when he got transferred to another base. While it wasn't the first time I'd had sex with a gay man, this was the first time to be caught up in this kind of shit. When he was all packed and ready to leave, he was crying and carrying on, telling me how much he was gonna miss me and when he asked if I was going to miss him I said, "Not really; you'd better get going before you're late reporting..."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He takes a step back... and here comes his hand, palm open to slap me and my years of training kicked in, blocking his attempt to slap me and I put him on the floor - hard - and added an armlock for good measure. He's looking at me, shocked and now crying and telling me he's sorry.

I don't know why I let him apologize by blowing me but I was too pissed off to really enjoy it and more so when I can hear him bitching about how my crotch still smelled like pussy and my dick tasted like it... but, yeah, I let him suck me off twice before I told him I was going to bed. We didn't have much to say to each other - or do anything - for a couple of days but we eventually sat down and talked about it. He's saying he thought I was gay, I'm telling him I'm bisexual; he's telling me that he would feel better if I didn't have sex with women... and I'm telling him there's no way I'm ever gonna do that and if he doesn't like it, too bad.

He's maintaining that we're boyfriends and I'm maintaining that we aren't. Tempers are starting to flare - and I can see that he remembered what I did to him so the moment got diffused... and ended with me with my dick buried in his ass. As I lay in my bed, I'm thinking that this was gonna be a very bad situation and I should look into getting a new roommate or changing dorms.

My time as his roommate was a living hell for me; he was possessive and obsessive, still acting like we were a couple. I didn't stop dating women or fucking them and he'd want to fight about it - he didn't learn about that so much. He called himself making me jealous; once we moved off base, he'd have guys over and "made sure" that I'd catch them having sex... and then he'd get pissed because it didn't bother me in the least bit.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I stood there like the proverbial deer in the headlights as he proceeded to undress me and I'm even lifting my legs so he could get my pants and underwear off; he even took the time to fold my clothes and set them aside! He gives me a good looking over, his eyes lock onto my dick - which, yeah, was very hard - and says, "Ooh, that's a nice one!"

One of those "the next thing I knew" moments and we're on his bed - on the other side of the room, mind you, and I didn't remember moving - and we're in a 69 with me on top and him digging his fingers into my ass and repeatedly pulling me deep into his mouth while thrusting into mine. He cums - warm, sweet, kinda thick - and I'm not too far behind him. Then we're lying next to each other gasping and I'm thinking, "What the fuck just happened?" and he says, "I'm glad we're gonna be roomies! Let's get dressed and hit the chow hall, come back, and do this again!"

And we did only this time found me on top of him and driving my dick deep into his ass while he clung to me and sounding all the world like this one girl I had had sex with in high school. He was getting so loud that I was sure the other guys in the dorm could hear him and I did the only thing I could think of to quiet him down: I kissed him and snaked my tongue into his mouth for good measure. That quieted him... and energized him, too. He's fucking back against me, his arms wrapped around my head and keeping the kiss going - and I needed to come up for air... and it took me a moment to break free of the kiss.

Note to self: Don't kiss him while fucking him. I propped myself up on my elbows, still fucking him, and I look down and not only is he hard but I looked just in time to see his cock start spurting long thick ropes of cum, which triggered me to unload in his ass. As I'm going soft inside him, he looks up at me and says, "We're gonna have a great time being roommates!"

He was wrong about that. There was never an agreement between us to be boyfriends and while I was happy to have sex with him, he took it all very seriously. I'd gone out on a date with a girl I'd met and we'd spent more time screwing each other silly than we did actually doing the date thing. I come in around 1am - 0100 in military time - and he's awake... and highly pissed off. He's demanding to know where I've been; he stalks over to me and sniffs me and really goes off the deep end, practically yelling at me that I smell like pussy. He's now all in my face and I recover from the shock of this outburst and tell him, "Back off - and I'm only gonna tell you once."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Technically, I've had two gay boyfriends, one it made sense to me to be with him, one who just felt that because we'd have sex, we were a couple. Man... talk about things being like night and day?

The first one... well, let's just say that I really didn't expect to be assigned to a dorm room with a guy who was gay since being gay in the military was a serious court martial offense that came with the "Big Chicken Dinner," otherwise known as a Bad Conduct Discharge. When I lugged my gear into the room, he wasn't there but arrived not five minutes after I did. We introduced ourselves and while I'm hanging up my uniforms, he just says, "Hey, when you get done, can I suck your dick?"

And I'm like, "Huh?" He just smiles at me without saying anything and I went back to putting my stuff away; I wasn't in a hurry to do it when I started and given what he'd just asked me, I was in even a less of a hurry. Now, it's not to say this was because I was... opposed to having my dick sucked; I just met this guy, we're smack-dab in the middle of a military base, and if I didn't know anything else about the regulations, I knew this would be a bad idea if we got caught or it got out.

At the same time, I recalled something one of the sergeants in charge of us in tech school would tell us every Friday during our "safety briefing" - what not to do on the weekend: "It's only illegal if you get caught." It would make us laugh but the message was clear: Whatever you idiots are gonna do this weekend, don't get caught doing it... or else.

I'm thinking about this, kinda laughing to myself about it, and realized that I'm done putting my stuff away. Oh, shit... but maybe he was just jerking my chain? I kinda peeked over my shoulder and my new roommate is naked and that quick glance told me that he was nice looking from head to toe... but he's getting ready to hit the shower, right? Uh, no - he strolls over to me, smiles, and says, "Let's get you ready..."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And the thing that bugs me the most is that over all this time I’ve been alive, we - society - have not learned one damned thing. How utterly prudish we are about sex. How society still thinks that bisexual really means homosexual. That and we pay more attention to what people who aren’t bisexual has to say about it.

The good thing is that it doesn’t bug me all that often but when it does, it just does. Not men or women - both. Not pussy or dick - both. Inclusive. And casual sex works well for me and as much as relationship sex would work. Why wouldn’t I consider just being in a relationship with a man? I never said I wouldn’t... but I also think that monogamy sucks And, besides, where the fun in being bisexual if you’re only gonna get with the person you’re with?

Arent you afraid of catching something? Of course I am - I’m seriously horny, not stupid. I will, however, point out that I’ve never caught an STD - and I’ve had probably more than my fair share of cock and cunt and assholes in the raw...and I do have my doctor order tests periodically. Otherwise, no - not much in the way of fear; I take more risks getting in the car and going to the store; I take a sexual risk every time I have sex with my wife.

And, yes, she knows and approves... and even if she didn’t, I’d still be bisexual.

Rant over. Had to get that off my chest...[/SIZE][/FONT]