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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've sat and talked and watched guys process this intelligently and decide - and without any urging on my part - that they can do this. They're confident and kinda/sorta not so afraid... until - and if they've decided that I'm the one to give them their first experience - the dicks come out. It's not really real at this point because, really, who hasn't, in some way or the other, seen another guy's dick before? With those guys who want to have their first male blow job, I wish I could really tell you about the look on their faces as I carefully begin to blow them; I wish I could put into words just how nervous and afraid they are; not only do they know that this ain't supposed to happen... but even if they've had women suck their cock before, they believe that this is so different that I've seen guys break out into cold sweats, throw up, start crying or laughing kinda hysterically. I've had my mouth just about on them and they've changed their mind because they just can't overcome whatever fears and anxiety that's now taken control of them.

I've seen guys so hyped up that all I've done was to wrap my hand around them... and they've blown a load that's so huge that we're both surprised and I've gotten a guy into my mouth and a moment later, here comes that gusher of sperm and, yeah - it's one of their fears made real and now I have to let them know that it's normal and perfectly okay - it happens and, besides, you just did what I wanted you to do: Cum.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It just makes convincing a guy that there's "nothing to be afraid of" a damned difficult thing to do. Not only do guys worry about becoming "instantly gay," they're also afraid of looking like a coward and fears not being able to "man up" and deal with the dick. And, yes: I've even talked to guys whose main fear was that if they do this, they're going to really like it. Yeah, I know - that doesn't seem to make sense but it does speak to how well a guy knows himself and, "usually," guys who know that they have the tendency to get "carried away" with something are usually afraid that they're gonna like this and to the extremes.

I have told guys, "Look... if you don't think you can do this - and for whatever reason you can't - then don't do it; it's really that simple. You have to be confident that you can and that whatever risks or whatever that's scaring you so much are things you can deal with - and if you have to face them at all because sometimes, those fears never appear."

I've had guys tell me, "You make it sound easy..." and I'll tell them that my experience makes it sound that way... but it's anything but easy and I know that. And now we get into the moment of truth part of all of this...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've sat and talked to guys about their fears and tell them, honestly, that it's okay and normal to be afraid but let's get to which fears are real one and which ones could be their imagination working overtime - and that just ain't easy to do. I've truthfully told them that sex - any sex - is inherently risky and no matter who you're trying to have sex with. Is the taste of sperm as bad as people say it is? It can be. If anal, does it really hurt as bad as people say it does? Yes, it can hurt and in later years, I've likened it to getting a tattoo - and it does hurt and it can hurt like a son of a bitch - but depending on some stuff. I have 14 tats and getting them did hurt at first - then it stopped hurting but I have two on my chest and, yeah, they hurt beyond belief and so bad that I almost punched out the artist.

If you do this, does it mean that you're really gay? Oh, fuck no! The truth is that not all guys who have sex with guys are gay but it is also true that gay guys have sex like this. What if someone finds out that you did this? A real fear... but I've answered this question by asking them, "How would someone else find out that you did? The only way I know of is either you tell someone you did or whoever you did it with tells someone - and that someone knows you (or knows of you); some guys, believe it or not, unintentionally rat themselves out and often without saying a word - but how they're now acting can get someone wondering why you're acting the way you are... and some people are gonna ask... and some people are intuitive enough to "know" why you're acting the way you are.

Otherwise, how would someone else know? It's "funny" that guys have taken the plunge and become paranoid or, like one guy told me, after he sucked dick for the first time, he felt like [B]everyone[/B] who saw him knew what he'd just got done doing. And married guys can be just as afraid of these things I've mentioned as single guys can be. Having that first time is a very emotional moment and I try to get a guy to use his intelligence and not let his emotions run wild and, nope - it's not that easy to do; guys can intelligently agree that there's little to be afraid of but emotionally? Fear is stomping a mudhole all in their ass - metaphorically speaking, of course.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I have literally sat with guys looking for that first time - or advice on how to get it - and they're so highly strung about it that I've seen them literally shaking; I've seen guys throw up and, um, let's say that a couple of guys didn't make it to the bathroom in time. I've heard so many guys tell me, "I want to this - I need to do this... but I'm afraid to..." and I learned to ask, "What are you afraid of?"

Then it's all about sitting and listening to what scares the shit out of them... and then trying to convince them to not be all that afraid. The fear of the unknown is damned powerful and, again, it's a crazy fear because it is well known that guys suck and fuck each other and those results are what they are... but how is that gonna be for them? No idea at all and even when they've kinda made up their mind what it is they wanna do first and it's pretty easy to just sit and think about that... but doing it?

I've had them ask me if I was afraid my first time and it probably doesn't help them when I tell them that I was too damned curious about it to be afraid; it's a lesson that I think is very important: What scares the shit out of one guy won't scare the shit out of some other guy so making the decision to take the plunge - and based upon the experiences of the guy you're talking to, eh, it might help and it might not because that was them... and not you.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I was exploring my submissive side when I met a man that turned me into a feminine submissive bottom. He would call me and say "how's my little faggot" , god that turned me on. He took total control of me sexuality, he would tell me to touch myself, call me at work and demand I start playing with my cock while I was sitting at me desk, or to jerk off in the mens room, or stroke my cock and taste my pre-cum, or his favorite to finger myself till I had at least 3 fingers in me. He even had me expose my cock in public, while I was driving, walking from the store to the car, and even when I walked my dog, on a public road, he would command my to take my hard cock out, and stroke it while walking.
He would call me late at night to suck his cock, I would sometimes suck is cock in his driveway, were we could be seen! We went to a couple of gay clubs and I would suck his cock in public, did I love that. He'd pick guys out for me to suck off or fuck. When we were together I was either his good boy or bad boy, when I was his good boy he would stroke and kiss my bottom, and softly lick my hole telling me how sweet I tasted, when I was bad I'd be spanked and remined who was in charge. even though had a small thin cock, I loved when he fucked me. He fucked me from behind or spooning, size was he to small to please me, but the energy I felt from him made his cock feel magical inside me. when he would cum in me with that pleased look of his face, it was so wonderful that I had pleased my man.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Over the decades, I've given a lot of guys their first experience with dick and I've been in the situation even more times when a guy wants to take the plunge... but he's just too afraid. Fear of being found out; oddly, not so much fear about catching something nasty; fear of becoming gay - this is a major one - but I think the biggest fear is not knowing what's gonna happen and whether or not they're gonna like it as much as they think they will.

If that last thing sounds silly to you, don't laugh: It's a very real fear and I'll tell you why. It's one thing to know that guys have sex with each other; it's one thing to actually know another guy who has; it's is seriously a different kettle of fish when you're the one looking to do something for the first time. Given how much gay porn is available, one can easily see guys getting at each other and this, too, is another kettle of fish. It's "real," you can see and hear it... but that's the guys on the screen and that creates a disconnect that, in my experiences, does little to alleviate fears.

When it comes to the first time, I guess it's just human nature to always think of the worst that can happen... and the human mind is more than capable of creating fears that, in reality, don't exist or may never make an appearance. I've sat and listened to guys "what if" themselves so much it's given me a headache and the one thing I learned is that if a guy believes that the worst is going to happen, good luck trying to convince him otherwise. What makes things even more difficult are all of the horror stories making the rounds; we will even hear of a guy's crappy first experience and can, somehow, convince ourselves that our first time is going to be just as bad... or much, much worse.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It was, if nothing else, the easiest way to find out about sex; why run around looking for someone else who might want to do it when you lived with someone who would be, most of the time, very interested in doing it? When you would find yourself stuck in the house for some reason and you couldn't go outside - but you wanted to do it with someone - well, if you had a brother or sister and they were willing, you didn't need to go outside even if you could.

Just don't get caught. Some did and some never got caught... but I still believe that a lot of parents [B]knew[/B] what was going on and didn't say anything about it and they knew that their kids were having sex with other kids, too. Shit... I got one hell of a beating because my mom and grandmom [B]thought [/B]I was screwing my sister. Well, I was... but not when they jumped on me and started beating the shit out of me. I thought my sister had ratted us out but after my very bad beating, she told me that she hadn't said a thing about it. It was just that as adults, they just believed that it [B]might[/B] happen so my beating was a pre-emptive strike.

So, yeah - adults knew.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]When I've talked to others about this, they're either excited... or very appalled that the "I" word was going on as much as it was. Those who'd be shocked and appalled would always say it was abuse... and sometimes it was by any definition but I knew, even if they didn't, that it wasn't always as bad as they - or anyone else - thought about it. Those of us who were "into it" [B]wanted[/B] to be into it. The sex we had this way was better than the sex we were having with each other.

Of course, there were those who were very afraid of this and/or totally against it and that made sense; they'd do it with someone else before doing it with a sibling or cousin... and being the very smart kid I was, I knew there was a lesson to be learned and, namely, it happened but not to or with everyone who was on the crazy train about having sex. Like I said, it was so commonplace where I grew up that no one thought it was unusual and if it didn't teach me anything else, it taught me that you could have sex with [B]anyone[/B] and it was better when you or they wanted to do it. Making someone do it like this was very bad - that much was very clear. But if they wanted to? It just wasn't a problem at all and no one who wanted to wound up being traumatized or scarred in any way.

Then I found out that it didn't happen just in my neighborhood and it just wasn't Black kids even though we did have this one white family whose kids were very much into have sex and with their siblings... or anyone else who wanted to do it. One of my friends had a very alcoholic mother who'd get drunk... and wanted her son to fuck her; I not only saw this but I got invited to join in one time and, no - I didn't hesitate or think twice about it even though I did think it was kinda weird. And that guy wasn't the only one screwing his mom; we did think that was unusual because if a parent was involved, it was usually a dad screwing his son... or his daughter but, okay, moms could do the same thing and that, too, just stopped being unusual to us.

You find out about this and, yeah, it seriously freaks a lot of people out and that's understandable... but I learned that if you thought or believed that it never happened and shouldn't happen, well, you'd be wrong about that because it did and more than anyone could possible imagine.[/SIZE][/FONT]