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Having just celebrated my 68th birthday - and on Bisexual Day at that - I found myself sitting and thinking about my life in total and especially being bisexual. I went all the way back to the beginning when one of my father's drinking buddies paid me to let him stick his dick in my mouth and realizing that the moment the head of his dick was in there and I started moving my tongue on it, I was hooked. It felt so good and I remember being so focused on the new sensations that when he came in my mouth, well, not only did I not know what was going on but it caught me off-guard; the stuff in my mouth tasted sweet - and later in life I'd realize that it was that sweet because he'd been drinking - and so much of it that I swallowed purely by reflex and to keep from choking on it.

When he offered more money to stick his dick between my butt cheeks, I didn't say no and now I had $50 in my hands and maybe you can imagine how far $50 would go back in 1964 - I was rich! He laid me on my stomach and stuck his dick between my cheeks and started to fuck me until he got hard; I could feel the head of his dick pressing against my hole and it felt curiously good; at one point, he had oozed enough pre-cum so that the tip of his dick would slip into me a little; it hurt but kind of not really. I remember lying there thinking about two things: How I was going to spend the $50 and how I was going to keep my parents from knowing that I had it; if they knew or found it, they would take it and, like they did one time when I found an envelope with $1,500 in it, they'd accuse me of stealing it.

I remember hearing grunt - then feeling something warm and sticky in my butt crack and it all felt so nice even though I also realized that what he was doing was wrong and I could get in trouble. He's done with me and my dad comes back with another bag full of booze for them to share and I was excited and scared; I thought that I should tell my father what happened but also thought that if I did, he would beat me for lying on an adult and one of his buddies, at that so I said nothing. But what he did had had me so excited that I couldn't sleep that night and I couldn't wait until morning so I could tell my friends what I had found out!

Now he wanted to be fucked and wasn't happy to hear that it was going to take a while before I could get hard again but while we wait for me to recharge, I can suck him again and, if nothing else, it took his mind off of me not getting instantly hard again after cumming - but he wasn't letting go of his desire to be fucked and as happened in his dreams.

Trying to fuck him was like trying to ride a mechanical bull. He couldn't stay still so I could get inside of him and stay there and even then he was trying to fuck back against me so much and moaning like a ghost that I just wanted this to be over with so he could stop asking me if I had cum yet over and over.

I like enthusiasm over experience but this eager beaver taught me that there's such a thing as being too enthusiastic. I would eventually get him to calm down so that we could have great sex together but it took some doing!

...he went from fondling my nuts to putting quite the grip on them and then used them like a handle to really start shoving my dick into his mouth. I had to tell him to ease up on my nuts, which he kind of did because he didn't let go of them and going at it with a fury that had me concerned about me getting my dick hurt or his gag reflex kicking in and things getting messy.

He was going at me so fast and furious that I couldn't get into what he was doing; his vigor was distracting me and to the point where I also couldn't get into sucking his dick when he stopped long enough to ask if we could 69. The more he sucked me, the more frustrated he seemed to be and he got too rough and I told him to stop and then asked him what the fuck was wrong with him.

He said that he was frustrated because I didn't cum. He didn't think that he was doing it good enough so he had to go harder and faster and I had to tell him that all that did was make me not want to cum because I was now paying more attention to the pain I was feeling. I had to tell him that it takes me a long time to cum being sucked and what he should have done was to start slowly and then build up from there.

My words made him cry and it took me a while to get him settled down so I could suck his dick and show him how it's done. I started slowly, lavishing attention on his knob and licking and sucking his shaft and balls before getting into sucking him, slowly at first but letting my horniness pick up the pace until five minutes later, Stanley was flooding my mouth with his warm cum.

Which only seemed to frustrate him even more because it didn't take a lot to get him to cum - and he felt that he should be able to make me cum quickly, too. Still, once he duplicated the way I'd sucked him, I was finally able to cum and that seemed to make him a very happy camper.

But.

When I first met "Stanley," he was quite likeable and we became friends rather quickly and it didn't take all that long before Stanley confessed to me that he dreams of sucking my cock and asked if I was offended or if I thought this to be weird.

I wasn't offended nor did I think it weird since he wasn't the only guy who'd said such things to me... but I wasn't sure if Stanley was someone I wanted to have sex with even though every time we got together, there was a lot of sexual tension being felt. It wasn't that there was something about him that was off or anything like that; it was that I hadn't gotten to the point in our friendship where having sex with him was in my head and like it was for him but after he told me this and we talked about it, I decided that having sex with him would be fine.

What I didn't know was how badly he wanted to blow me. The moment I said that we could do this, Stanley was out of his clothes so fast that if I hadn't known he was dressed, I could have sworn that he was already naked. His dick was already hard and as I got out of my clothes, I could see that he was already oozing a lot of pre-cum. I'd say that as far as size and girth went, Stanley was pretty average and I did have a moment or two convincing him that I didn't care that he didn't have a big dick.

The moment I got out of my underwear, Stanley tackled me onto his bed, catching me totally off-guard and my martial arts training almost kicked in (that would have been very bad); he tells me again how much he's dreamt of this moment, took a moment to heap praises on my "big" cock - and I was, in fact, longer and thicker than he was but this wasn't a big deal to me.

Stanley wasted no time scooting down between my legs and licking and kissing my dick until I was fully hard - and then, things got interesting. Stanley started sucking me like his life depended on it and doing it roughly enough that I had to ask him to ease up some, which he did until...

It has fascinated the shit out of me how I'll hear a guy say that, yeah, they fooled around with a guy (and no matter who the guy was) and (a) they didn't know what they were doing or, sadly, because there was no cum involved, it didn't happen... and I'm here today to let you know that if you're one of those guys, you might not have known what you were doing but you found or figured it out and whether there was cum or not, it still happened and it did mean something.

When a guy gets introduced, it seriously conflicts with a lot of stuff and our minds are all about not only simplifying things but also protecting itself; "Billy" and "Charley" showed each other their dicks and got to sucking them and because this is wrong, well, those two "excuses" are pretty common up to and including denying that they liked it when they know that they did.

Everyone has a first time and when it happens, it happens so growing into adulthood and, bluntly, lying to yourself shouldn't make sense to you - but I get it; the long-standing social and moral angst against homosexuality puts a lot of fear into us over what someone else is going to say or do if they were to find out that we got introduced to sex with men when the thing to really be concerned with is how you're going to deal with knowing that you did it, you liked it, and you wouldn't mind doing a lot more of it.

Even I learned that no matter what someone says or tries to do, it... changes nothing. And, oh, yeah: If I think you don't need to know, you're never going to know. I know what it's like to be introduced and now... you just gotta tell everyone about it and, sometimes, finding out that it was a mistake and, sometimes, a "costly one." No matter how you were introduced, there are some people who do not need to know... unless you like someone chewing you out over not being straight and like you're supposed to be.

As such, being introduced isn't the problem: It's how you deal with yourself after the fact that becomes of greater import.

We share our beginnings with each other here and this is a good thing and especially for those guys who, today, are feeling some kind of way over how they got introduced but... feel better about it knowing that they were never alone in this and that there is someone here who found out about dick like you did and that, again, many of us here had that first time, too. Or they're waiting to have it.

I've asked, "What are you waiting for?" and it's been interesting to see what those of you who are sitting on the bench has to say about this and citing many things that, in actuality, can be dealt with, minimized, or totally mitigated so that taking the plunge isn't going to be the problem it's believed to be. It's okay to fantasize about having that first time but there comes a point in time where reality asserts itself and you're either going to find a way to formally introduce yourself or... you never will and you gotta ask yourself if not doing any of the stuff you've fantasized and jerked off about is really a good thing for yourself as a person and as a man.'

If it truly is something you really want and need to do, you'll find a way to do it but it you don't, it's not someone else stopping you from experience being introduced - that's you doing it to yourself and, again, does it really make sense to suppress yourself?

It's not that one can be introduced to this; it's about how one handles it that really matters. There was a time when I almost drove myself crazy thinking that if I hadn't been at home that day, I wouldn't have gotten introduced to this and in the way I did. I eventually realized the folly of such thinking because you cannot change what has already happened and, being the highly intelligent and stupidly curious kid I was, I would realize that the man who introduced me to this... did me a favor and as weird as that may sound.

It begs the other question of... would I have eventually been introduced at some later point? And understanding that the point is... moot because my introduction happened when it did. Having a momentary "struggle" in admitting that, okay, it was wrong for it to happen... but I liked it. Yeah, buddy! The excitement I felt to find out that many of my male friends... found out about this before I did and, yes, I know how they got introduced and, again, it wasn't "pretty" but it happened to them and they thrived with it as a result up to and until they gave it up - and like we're supposed to do.

And some of us... just didn't. Or the many of us who gave it up but came back to it at some later point. Or those who were much older and either got introduced or introduced themselves to sex with men - and the reasons why are legion and, as I would learn, the only person it really has to make sense to is... you. The sooner you understand that there will be a lot of people who aren't going to like you because you have sex with other men, the easier it is to put this behind you so that you can keep moving forward and being the person you want to be.

The many guys I personally introduced to this and how they've said that they don't know why they didn't do it before now, or that it wasn't as bad as they thought and/or was told it was; that doing whatever we did felt right, normal, and natural - and me confirming to them that it feels that way... because it really is and no matter what our morality has to say about it.

And no matter how you were introduced to this, well, you know what an untold number of men who aren't gay knows: Sex with men can be good, satisfying and, importantly, gets you to know yourself and in ways that those who know nothing about this find it difficult to understand or accept.

It's only a problem when it proves itself to be a problem and the sad thing is that for a great many men, their introduction was - and remains - a problem and the question to be answered is, "Does it make any sense to keep kicking your own ass about it?"

One of the things that can help someone trying to get a grip on their bisexual thoughts and feelings is that everyone has a first time. Another thing is that no matter how you learned about having same-sex sex, you're not as alone as you might feel although, admittedly, I've never understood why you can feel this way other than... you know you're not straight and like everyone else is and are supposed to be.

Being introduced to sex with men has never been pretty; while it's easier on sensibilities to romanticize it, it's not always a matter of someone taking you in hand and "making sweet love to you" and in a way that isn't going to be a big problem and it's yet another thing that has to be understood and, really, one of the first things you learn about men and our hard-wired need and drive to have sex and, often, by any means necessary, fair or foul.

One of the things I had realized was that as a boy, I was... expected to experiment with sex and with both boys and girls. At the same time, I was told not to even think about having sex and, well, maybe my parents and other elder should have told me to go ahead and do it which is pretty much what a lot of the guys and gals I grew up with did. If you got introduced and/or experimented at a young age, know that you're not the only one; if you are of a mind that your introduction was... a bit on the foul side of things and you felt victimized and/or abused, know that it's not your fault and chances are you didn't do anything to make it happen - but it did and now the important thing is to not get yourself stuck feeling shitty over something that happened in the past because if you get stuck there, you will find that making sense of finding yourself hooked on dick is going to be difficult and, again, you weren't alone in this.

If you believe that sex with men is evil and unholy, well, the bible says it is... but the realities of life do tell a totally different story and this is the part of things that's to be believed; I thought that homosexuality in men couldn't be all that bad because there's a lot of male homosexuals... and all of them cannot be wrong but our morality says it is and right away, one of the many flaws in it gets exposed.

And if our morality is saying not to have sex with men, it's clearly obvious that it can be done, huh?

I've spent so much of my life learning how guys get introduced to this from "innocently" to, well, being exposed to the ugliness of things. There's a pattern to it but one that's hard to see given the great scope of things and this includes not being introduced to it - but decided that having sex with a guy might not be all that bad of a thing and also dependent upon how old you were when getting some dick... made good sense to you.

Since the comments for blogs is still broken, just drop me a note here if you have comments and I'll be happy to address them... unless someone wants to give me some shit about stuff that has already happened and cannot ever be undone.