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just looking for local

Had lil blub 2 mesel' 2 day.. we wer checking wot Crimbo pressies we had and who we needed to get for... came over this wich I bought for me dad's Crimbo much earlier in year...[URL]http://www.djhmodelloco.co.uk/prodpage.asp?productid=3219[/URL] ... an' it didn't haff set me off... when I bought it 'im thought it would keep him outa trouble of an evening building it and know how he so luffed 'is toy trains... thousands of quids worth in 'is loft just left all lonely an sad... Mum hasn't the heart 2 flog cos it wos just so much a part of the ole bugger.. an me big bruvva sure as hell isn't interested.. 1st xmas wivout 'is cheery ole chops and this bloody choo choo hasn't haff brought it home 2 me.. the big babba an' 'is choo choo puffers.. God.. life is shite at times...big boys an' their toys...sighhhhhhh:(.. but thinking of 'im and how happy he always wos mucking 'bout wiv those toy trains does bring a smile 2 me face.. spesh the silly daft childish choo choo toot toot woo woo noises 'e made when 'e thought no1 was around:).

Do not think I will write in this journal any longer. A few different factors have caused the act of writing here to seem untenable. One of those factors is simply a desire to be reticent in general.

Another factor lies in obviously not feeling my life merits exposition here. A few have pointed this out to me, yet the feeling is not caused by their detracting words. I can honestly say that I'm a rather dull person.

Also, one should consider the environment of the site as a factor in this decision. Been here for a while now, I am starting to see the site degenerate from a purpose it seemed to hold, on wholesale. Drew I'm sure does as best he can.

It is not all up to him, though. The people here make it or not. Unfortunately, it seems more keen upon not of late.

I'm barely on the site any more. The forum threads keep repeating. No one really chats in the chat. One can nearly judge the trolling script of the site by the season or vise versa.

And yes, I do believe the site itself is or has been given a script. It repeats, like the forum threads. This script is in place it seems to block any progress, thought, discussion of anything beyond an acceptable "hi, I'm horny."

Bisexuality is only a part of me as a person on whole. I am not always horny. I'm not promiscuous. The site script banks on me being both, it would seem.

Further, I'm not too interested in cyber sex. It only leaves me feeling that much worse for not having the genuine, face to face, flesh to flesh article of sex. All that is on the site is oral sex, as in everyone talks about sex.

I suppose there's nothing wrong in that. It is wrong though for some whom realize there is more to living than sex.And really? There's an adage that applies well I think. Those whom talk it, are not getting it.

I would rather live, get it. So, I'm doubting the purpose of the site and feeling a desire to withdraw. It isn't beneficial to me even as something free.

It is really had to take decent photos of yourself.....I refuse to do the in the mirror bathroom shots, so I set the camera on exposure time and rush to get in the supposed frame before the shutter clicks. I am going to explore a photographer who does sexy pix and if affordable, I may upgrade my postings...plus those pix were taken about 18 lbs ago....the weight loss continuess!!!

<br> ... from a local band that blows me away. <br><br> <iframe width="400" height="100" style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=304211065/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0"><a href="http://ramblinambassadors.bandcamp.com/track/clambake">Clambake! by The Ramblin' Ambassadors</a></iframe> <br><br> - Drew :paw:

<br><br> <iframe width="400" height="100" style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=2729814140/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0"><a href="http://ramblinambassadors.bandcamp.com/track/standoff-at-calfrobe-bridge-2">Standoff At Calfrobe Bridge by The Ramblin' Ambassadors</a></iframe> <br><br> Hopefully you like this track as much as I do. <br><br> - Drew :paw:

Hello all!!!! I have read many great topics on here, and decided I would get the best opinions and feedback on this site. I have a lot to share, so I'm sorry if it’s a long post, or a little scatterbrained. :oh:

So my boyfriend and I (I am female) have been together for over 5 years (He was 19 I was 20) and have been monogamous the whole time. I told him pretty early on that I liked female on female, and fantasizing about it. I was very sexually aware at a young age, I feel as a result of being sexually abused (orally only, thank Goddess) by my male cousin at the age of 4 (he was 8). At 6 my step sister (same age) and me met and somehow mutually started engaging in acts. By 8 I was self-pleasing and climaxing. It all stopped before puberty, except self-gratification, and I still to this day feel like it was wrong to be so aware and active like that.

I had one other FF experience at 15 with a good friend. She initiated ALL of it, (we made out and she gave me a clitoral orgasm with fingers) and freaked out after and I lost her as a friend. So that experience didn't make me feel any better. I lost my virginity at 16, which surprised me for being so aware. At 18 besides a pack of Marlboro Reds, an 8" d***o and the Hummingbird were my presents to myself.

As I got older I didn't really think of myself as bisexual, because I wanted a boyfriend. I was single after HS for about a year and could have looked for that experience, but I was so worried about male companionship (I'm only sexually attracted to women, I crave partnership with men).

So after a year and a half long relationship ended with the biggest douche-bag I will ever know, I immediately jumped into the relationship I have been in for over 5 years (he was my knight in shining armor, rescuing me from the dark lord :love87:). My female attraction was no big deal, not something I thought of often. We would have sex, and I would either watch FF porn or just come up with my own steamy scenarios.

Well about a year into the relationship, maybe a little more, I asked him what he thought about a threesome with another girl. I told him she would be for me, and he could watch and enjoy me, but not her. I was so NOT comfortable with the idea of him touching another woman's body. Of course he didn't like that. He saw it as a tit for tat kind of thing. Not exact on the real conversation but something along the lines of, "Well, what do I get? That's not fair that you can have sex with someone else but I can't!" I dropped it because obviously this wasn't going anywhere. This wasn't about him being sexually satisfied by another girl, it was about the desires and curiosities I had harbored for other women and I knew they would never go away. Perhaps selfish and naive of me, but hey I knew what I could handle and what I could not.

Ok, side note here, I have always enjoyed watching MM porn. This was something I did not share with any boyfriends or friends, I felt ashamed of it when going through my adolescence. I didn't understand why I , as a female, got off on other men pleasuring each other. But I found someone I could trust with it. I can't remember when it came to surface, or how, I just remember it being ok and what happened next.

So I asked him if he would try some anal play. I would put a condom on my fingers and lube them up and we could play. He was totally cool with it. YAY!!! It didn't take long for him to ask for the bright pink 8" d***o that sat unused in my drawer. I was so hot and felt so elated that I could trust this with him and he trust in me, AND divulge a little in the fantasy. Well I got braver, and would ask him questions during our playtime like, "Are you thinking of the real thing? Would you like something like that?" I was happy to hear yes to those questions. But we were still young, and I just thought of it as in the moment sex talk.

Play like this was something special, most of the time it was just him making love to me. In fact another side note, for about 2 years of our relationship, he was lucky to get me excited for sex at all. But I was secretly self-pleasing while he lay next to me asleep at night. We would go a month or more sometimes without it. But that was an emotional thing, save for another day perhaps :P.


Well our sex life for the past 2 years has become more balanced. We began to make love at least once a week sometimes more, sometimes less. And that has increased over the past year. But with my new found sexual appetite, my bisexual urges are becoming more insatiable. Watching women on screen is not enough. But I have been keeping it to myself, even though we aren't married. I am committed to this man, I want him as my partner for the rest of our lives, so I ignore it and deal.

So after a long stretch of love making sessions without anal play, he expresses desire again. I'm hot for it of course. But it's tiring using my toy, it's not a strap on. He is down for it, but is way too shy to go down to the 21 and over shop to find something with me.

So last week or so we are having an anal session for him and my forearms are killing me. I say babe we gotta get that damn strap on. I'm not getting something offline, because it's not my style to spend money on anything through a picture. I need to see it and feel it to know if its going to be for me. I asked him, what are you afraid of? Our sexual relationship is our business, strangers mean nothing. If we see someone we know, we look at something less threatening. I told him I wasn't doing this alone. He had to be involved in it if he wanted it too.

My man, how he has grown...He said ok, lets do it. We go, and he even stays there looking at all of them, not wondering off and leaving me to do it by myself. I was shocked and turned on in the store when he kept turning down smaller looking ones. He wanted big, he didn't want to be disappointed :love: You got it babe.

So we are looking, and a young man, one the sales associates, asks if we are finding everything ok. I can't bring myself to look at him, and I can see my lover can't either. I just glance in his direction quickly :oh: "Yeah thanks we're good". Another five minutes of looking at all the large pieces they had to choose from, the guy comes back and says something I can't remember, but it led to me showing him the BEAST of a toy in my hand along with the universal harness we found. The first thing I remember for sure is him asking,"Who is wearing it?" :eek2: Um...I don't want to lie and say he is wearing it, because its not true and I wasn't sure if he would feel that was an insult to his beautiful and perfect-for-me sized penis. But we didn't discuss this part. So after a moment of hesitation I say in a small voice, "I am."

I wait for the look that says,"You and your boyfriend are disgusting." But instead, he immediately says,"My girlfriend and I use this brand Dong. We bought the 6" and the 8". It feels real and its sturdy. This is the harness we use because it can vibrate for her, and its not a thong so its comfortable for me too." I was so relieved. He was so helpful and open about his relationship, he showed us how to put it together (for the most part, wanted to let us have some fun figuring it out too).

As soon as we got home we were playing. It was so fun and hot and it broke down a barrier. We confessed our bisexuality. He told me he really wants to have sex with a man. And I told him I really want sex with a woman. We agreed that each other would only touch or please one another, that this is not to break our commitment to each other, but to encourage one another to fulfill what the other cannot. If I was a complete heterosexual, I could be "monogamous" the rest of my life with him. I have no real desire to be with another man. I choose my partner to be male. So I expect the same from him. He chooses female companionship, therefore he chooses me fully, emotionally and sexually. But we are [B][I]Bi[/I]-sexual[/B]. So sexually he cannot give me all that I want/need, and I cannot for him either.

I never would have thought that I would be in this kind of a relationship, honestly even after 5 years of being with him. I want to see him take pleasure in the male form, and I love that he wants me to have my pleasure with the female form. He even expresses the desire to see me enjoy his male partners, but I don't think I'm emotionally or physically capable of that. I also told him despite what he may feel about that, he isn't going to change my mind about being with my women. He swears its not about that anymore, he truly gets hot thinking of sharing a man with me. I won't tell too much, as its not my sexuality to share :impleased.

So that brings us up to date. Right now, I want to get in shape. I'm chunky these days, and want to be fit and sexy when exposed and vulnerable to other people. Plus it gives us about 6 months to really analyze this and make sure this is what we want, no regrets. Because as we all know, once its done, there is no undoing. I like a plan. So rules will be made and followed and any fears or what if's will be put out there and discussed.

So I'm just curious about everyone else. Any similar stories? How is it for you? Anything at all.......Trash talk won't hurt me, I know who I am, and my God/dess doesn't frown upon me on that.

You are so much more than helpless. You are love. You have the potential to do great things. Every day you live, you are writing a story, If YOU could write the story of YOUR life, what would it say?

[video=youtube;dtgoDXEOxTM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtgoDXEOxTM[/video]