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Tonight is suppossed to be my last night in San Diego, thank god. Sadly, no nookie for me last night at all, and I even had on tight leather pants and a corset, jeeeez.

Thats okay. So what did I learn with my grindr and silver daddies experience.

For one thing, I really learned a new appreciation for what real women go through. I mean, I knew about some of the stupidity, but I didn't know how bad. I have asked a few and they described exactly what I saw.

Now, I believe the phrase "Toxic masculinity" is complete BS, hands down crap. There is nothing wrong with being masculine or masculinity. The reality, no matter the gender, there are assholes. We could come up with a cute bumper sticker slogan for woman to show how awful feminine is, but it would upset the politically correct crowd.

The truth is simple, jerks come in all flavors

I did meet some nice guys, but in talking, eventually it comes out that trans and CD is a fantasy fetish. You don't even have to be passable, although people that are, I can't imagine the crap you deal with. At first, I thought it was cute, hey, who doesn't want to be an object of desire, but overall, it becomes weird.

From guys who immediately send a dick pic demanding to know if you like it, too guys who don't realize every CD and Trans is not trying to live a pornstar life.

I think with social media, there is a growing, and large already population of people who cannot seprate real world from online. As much as I enjoy my internet porn, it's not good for some people. I saw soo much, from wanting to spank, to use of terminology, to grabbing a throat.................all the crap you see online porn, its like they think this is reality

For way too many guys (when it comes to CD and Trans) they think this is their porn debut. What you dont realize, take it slow, be sensual, (freaking give back) and you could have some mind blowing sex. The wanting to bang at 100mph an hour, the comments of suck that big dick bitch, really, dont get you anywhere.

A gay last night, first text, you horny, send me your address, I am willing to dump a load in you as long as you suck me first. Ummmmmm dude, you aint that good looking, and go F yourself.

I went to two known gay bars, and I have a habit of listening in. You would think in theory, the LGBTQ community would want all us included right ?

Listening to probably 25 different people over two nights

- WTF are all these "bi" people doing in our bars now, make a damn choice
- oh look, more trans shit in our bars, cant they just act like men
- just what we need more of, guys who are married coming here

None of that was directed at me personally, but you could hear the disdain for bisexuals, it wasn't the older guys, it was the under 40 crowd. One little queen asked me why I don't just chop off my balls and become a woman if I want to be so bad. I explained, I have no desire, I am happy as a man............then he called me a freak of nature.

I will say, an older gay man, I think he said he was 81 (But damn he was in great shape) grabbed him by the front of the shirt and told him everyone is welcome, to take his drunk ass elsewhere, then apoligized to me, so that was cool.

I truly believe after my experiment, we have three groups with three different problems and some overlap.

Bisexual men- many times not accepted, or understood by the gay community or the hetero, they just dont get it. Then add in majority(I am guessing) are not out, or married, but have overwhelming desires, and they are stuck in a hard place. Then you have all those that want to set themselves free but, because of the way all society treats them (gay or straight) they are terrified to be who they really are.

CD- we face the same issues as bi men, but we have added flavor. There is this thought that we are a weak little sissy boys, or we want to be women, or we are just mentally ill and fooling ourselves. Not too mention too many that think we deserve what ever we get and we are really nothing but wanna be little whores, instead of people expressing our sexuality.

Trans- I have said it before, its hard to speak on this, because I am not part of that world. But, from what I have seen (gay and straight) unless trans are needed for a protest, many times look down on the. Honestly, no, I don't get wanting to be another gender, but it's not my life, I don't have to get it and my approval is NOT needed. But when you consider they are changing their body physically, they are dealing with legally changing everything..............I have ni understanding of how difficult that can be, I cant.
Then I see all the comments and guys, who think they are nothing more than a novelty act or a blow up doll ?
I have learned a very new appreciation for the trans community.

So, whats the bottom line ?

Keep in my , this is my own opinion, and I can take the flaming, doesn't bother me. I think the bi community needs better representation. What I mean by that, I have been to LGBTQ events, and other than in passing, we are the ones sitting in the corner. If we are going to be there, we need more of a voice. The gay community is different than us, the hetero community is different than us.
But, we need to be more visual when we can, and help others understand, we are all alike, no matter who, everyone has struggles , everyone has highlights...........................we are all just people

except that guy that wanted to ejaculate in me, then leave it in until he pees..........................ewwwwwwwww....................screw that guy.

So, sorry so long, just remember, I am a guy who does a personality switch to an entirely different gender and manner of dressing, so, in the end, I could be partially insane, who knows. I could be completely off my rocker, probably, but all I have in my life is my own experiences.

One thing I will say, I have heard comments, get this forum running right or shut it down. For the new people coming out as bi, CD's, trans.................I ahve looked at other forums, I have been out in the world dressed.

This place is a fantastic and quality safe haven for many. You all do a great job, from greeting new comers, to joking around, to giving advice. I like that we have a place where a new CD can talk too some of us and realize, they are not a freak of nature.

A young new bi guy, or even older for that matter, can find people who think like they do, and maybe feel better about themselves. You all do that, whether you are a good person in the real world or not, at least give yourself credit, you do some good things here

So I came back to San Diego on Monday, just to spend the day here, then planned on Tuesday and home for a week..............but wait, there's more.............btw, some of my spelling is bad, spending a month in hotels, I am beat up and tired

A manager who has been on vacation, that should have been back Tuesday calls Monday COVID positive. So now we are scrambling to get me a hotel room for another week. Problem is, comic Con is in town, so the 3 rooms, open are like $500 a night.

I get back online, more for a distraction than anything. Start chatting with a guy, listed as 34, so not bad. But, the phrasing of some things he typed made me go hmmmmmmm. A suggestion, always listen to what your gut tells you. He shows up, he is like 19. I should have said no, but, figured at his age, it will be a quickie and why not.

So, he goes to kiss me and grabs me like he is in total control, okay, he is young, I rolled with it. His tongue was like all over me, I think I took another bath. We are messing around and he is commenting with the normal " You like that big dick" ?

Next we go to do it, he is asking to go from behind, and be in a certain way, I am thinking, skippy has seen 1 too many pornos. So we start doing it and he smacks me on the ass. I stopped right then and nicely informed him, I realize I didnt lay out the ground rules, but you do that again, I will break your hand.

So we go back to it, he is like going fast then slow, trying to move his hips, making sounds.................and me, I am laying there choking up trying not to laugh.

Then he is like " You like daddy's big dick ripping you apart"

At this point I put my face in the pillow and burst out laughing. He seemed to think I was moaning with pleasure as he doubled his efforts. To put things in perspective.

Solid hard, he was about 3.5 inches, nothing wrong with that, but daddy for sure does not have a big dick. Secondly, your balls just dropped about a year ago, so calling yourself daddy, uhhh no.

Finally he cums, looks at the clock and is like, damn, I went 15 minutes. I could see this kid having excel sheets at home tracking his performance. Once he left, I spent an hour just laughing and laughing and laughing

Third week of my fun trip. I ma feeling better, 2 nights in a row in my own bed. But, not feeling the grindr, so concentrated on silverdaddies. I was hoping they would be a touch different, I was very wrong. I started texting with a guy, 72 (to be fair, I had texting, and I really cannot stand sexting)

So we are chatting , seems okay, but then he says he has an early morning so ahs to go, okay, good night. Next text I get is "Good night what " ?

I am like, huh, then he informs me, bitches need to learn their place, it is good night master. Now, this crap was not in his bio, so I nicely tell him, some kind of mistake, I dont do the subordinate, sissy, master slave, whatever you want to call it games. Now he tells me he didn't ask what I want, he is now telling me what I will do. That one was an easy block.

Chatting with another guy, seems alright at first, then sends me a video of someone fisting him with 1/2 their forearm up his ass. Sorry, not my thing, and ouch.

The next two nights I had schedules to write, so no social media. Thursday comes around, I called up an old friend and we headed to a bar. I have learned, when dressed like me, watch your back, don't go outside, always keep your hand over the top of your drink when not actively drinking. The reality is, people into crossdressing don't go tot he police when attacked, and their are groups that assume you are weak and basically a cum dump whore who deserves what ever they get, and sadly, this is worse in the LGBTQ community, we are the outcasts and the ones looked down upon by both sides.

Anyways, when I see someone kind of checking me out, I watch if they step towards the bar. Many times it is some well meaning person buying a drink to break the ice. Most times a server brings it over, but sometimes they do. I watch to see if the drink leaves my sight at any time before it gets to me. Lors of times, it is for someone else, whichs is fine, but when it does come to me, I want to make sure nothing was added.

Night rolls on, people are coming by our table speaking to us, now this is a bar that caters to the older crowd, at one point I turned for a second, but I could see in a mirror. A guy who hadn't been speaking, but was kind of a wingman, his hand went over my drink and I saw the little sputter. I turned quickly and asked him what the F he was doing.

naturally he denied anything, we went back and forth, and now people are watching. Some drag queen walks over and states she is sure she saw something get dropped in my drink. The bouncer /bartender came over and asked questions, the whole place is basically paying attention to us now.

The bartender was a smart guy, he is like, well, we can't prove anything either way, people think they saw something, you deny it, maybe we should have the police come by, get everyone's ID, get searched, then take the drink and have it analyzed. The guy freaks out now, stammering how he doesn't need this crap, he has a wife and kids at home, all the usual.

The bartender asked me what I wanted, I said just permanently ban him, and contact your friends with other bars to make sure they do also. So the guy gave up his ID, they took a picture and he left.

On the bright side, my drinks were free for the rest of the night. I spent some time dancing with drag queens, other queens and had a great time. Other guys were telling me they had a weird feeling about him, the way he tried to talk to them in the place, so it worked out for the best.

Not much else happened the rest of the week, went home friday............worked on my hair all day Saturday, saw Loverboy, Styx, REO Speedwagon in concert....................for the record, Styx blew the roof off that place, and, it was an outdoor venue, so blowing the roof off was an achievement

So, at this point I am in the middle of my second week in hotels, and I am thinking, this is not working out like I planned. I was hoping for someone come over, they tell me how beautifal I am, how sexy I am (Hey, don't judge me, it's not my fault my feminine side is kinda egotist, but I will speak to her about it) , then we pleasure each other, they put on clothes and , you know leave.

As the great prophet, Charlie Sheen, once said " You don't pay a hooker for sex, you pay them to leave"

Anyways, at this point, I decide to check out silver daddies, I mean, older crowd like me right ? probably a little more maturity, understand themselves, somewhat more grown up........................not a chance in hell. For one thing, at 54, I am the kid in that group. Well, this night I am chatting on grindr and silverdaddies at the same time, thinking I would just like some petting or something.

Finally, I get hit on by a guy in a shirt and tie, generic yuppie looking person, probably in his 30's, and I am like, he seems decent, we talk about what we want this night, everything looks good, until he comes over. I could smell some alcohol right away, as in recently been drunk, but, not an issue by itself.

we started making out , touching, he is doing the "You like the feel of that big dick "?

Sure, uhhhh huhhhh, it's maybe 5.5 to 6 inches on a good day, don't flatter yourself buddy, but I went along with it. Then he goes to graphic prono talk of what he is going to do with his big dick. That was his first mistake, because now I am on alert.

Next thing I know, he uses both hands and grabs around my throat and tells me how he is going to face fuck the shit out of me and I better like it. To be honest, I have a weird thing about hands near my neck, goes back to an issue when I was young. This aside, his tone of voice, the way his demeanor changed, and the look in his eyes...............I had enough clues this had gone south already.

I calmly asked him to move his hands and step back, he responded with "Bitch, my cock should already be in your mouth and no speaking, understand"

One thing I can tell you, and every smaller guy knows this, no matter how big you are, if we are planted and balanced, and you are not, you will go down, and go down hard. At this point he had a knee on the bed and one foot on the ground, simple physics, spin forearm to his wrists that made him bend forward,turn to the right, forearm around his neck , knee to the back and he couldn't move.

I nicely told him, he is going to get dressed, leave without a sound, and if I ever hear of him attacking a CD or Trans again, I will personally make sure he pays the price. He was stuttering and apoligizing, this wasn't him, he never acts like this, he wanted his first time to be like the movies blah blah blah, he is sorry and is leaving.

I did grab a screen shot of him and post it in a few places and contacted local CD's and trans to warn them.

I really don't believe he was a bad guy, he got caught up in the excitement, had a few drinks to clam himself, but he went too far. The only good thing, he got someone who knows something about protecting themselves, otherwise it could have been real bad.

At this point, I gave up on the week. Went home Saturday night, slept in my own bed and relaxed.

Okay, so Saturday night I go home and sleep in my own bed, and dont come back until Monday. New week, new shenanigans. I hop back on grindr , look around and see my next target. Middle aged guy, starting to lose his hair. I started chatting him up. I asked if he wanted to come by...........he was like

"ewwwwwwwwww, you are too girly, you are so girly you probably smell like a vagina, oh god no, I can't even , ughhhhhhhh"

Well, to be fair, I think my perfume was eau de coochie or something like that. I wasn't sure if I should take it as a compliment or not. I am one of those, I take my dressing up seriously, as in, I work hard on it. Even though I will never pass, i feel good being as feminine as I can.

I moved on, chatted with a bunch of people, it was all 20 somethings wanting to come over and tear me up. Well, that didnt sound fun so i gave up for the night.

The next night after getting dressed, i decided, I want a sprite, but damn, I am wearing a miniskirt, I said screw it and went to the vending machine anyways. While I am getting my soda, I feel a hand on my back and a head near my hair, this creepy guy says

"Gee, I like that ass, and you smell so nice, would you like too........."

At this point I turned around and used my guy voice and asked, "Are you wanting me to shove my cock up your ass"

That guy could have beaten jessee Ownes in a foot race he left so quick. I got back tot he room and found a promising candidate. Everything looked good, invited him over.

Turns out, he was into no touching, we just jerk ourselves off in front of each other, this week was not starting good.

After he left, I went back on, there was a guy who only wanted to come over and blow me, so I let him. He was so happy to do it, I almost felt bad cumming.

But, I did then went to bed.

Next day, I am going through the lobby and a guy asks me if I was an escort, I was flattered and insulted at the same time. Later, I went over to his room and asked him how much he would pay, needless to say, I am not a $50 whore, I want at least $99.99.

One thing led to another , he felt bad and brought over some drinks. We started talking, me asking if he was gay or bi.............nope 100% hetero. Then why did you hit on me ?

He is of the opinion if a guy is wearing a dress, it is not same sex sex. I will say he was a very caring, slow and considerate lover, but oral, nope, he wasn't doing that at all

So, night two comes around. Same thing with people asking questions and chatting and I am like, wanna come over. Sure I had sex the day before, but, for me, I only got gas station sex.............self serve pump your own. All these guys just seemed to want to have chat sex and I am like,
"I need a cocksucker stat.........50 mg of tequila and some kneepads immediately"

One guy was being real pushy, almost demanding to come over right then, tell tale sign of something not good. Plus he made comments about smacking my ass and sillyness, sorry dude, this is not a porno.

Eventually I chose someone and he comes over, walks through the door and gives me that up and down look, I should have been insulted, but honestly, I started getting a boner. So we laid down on the bed and pro-ceeded to start making out.

Guys, I now know why girls always said I was the best kisser. Let me give you a hint, your tongue is not an assault vehicle, you dont have to shove it everywhere like you are a labrador or something, a little technique , using it sparingly works wonders. Sadly, i find this in most guys, I may do video on how to kiss properly, it seems to be a lost art.

Anyways, he was feeling me up, yeah this is going better already. We get his pants off and he is like 5.5 inches and thick. I got to work on it for about 10 minutes, then he flipped me over, I was very concerned he was gonna try and ram that cock into me un-lubed, but, instead he went to work with his tongue. I honestly did not know a tongue could go that far in.

This goes on for a while, then I felt like sucking some more, we are sort of in a 69 position with me on bottom and he is fucking my face, all of a sudden, no warning (usually you feel the slight throbbing) he came like crazy. Turns out he is one of those sensitive guys that feels it for like 10 minutes. Once he settled down, he was kind enough to return the favor.

So , once again, the awkward part of, he we had sex, time to go now. So he got dressed, stopped at the door and said thank you, gave me a kiss and left. End of it right ?

Noooooooooooooooooo, PM's start the next day, how long am I in town, when can he see me again, last night was very special. I did the play it off, I am leaving that night, not back for a few weeks, blah blah blah. Then I get the poem expressing his love for me.

Shit, I mean, do I need to change perfumes or something, what is in the one I bought..................wowwwwwwwww.

He is still stalking me on grindr when he sees me on of when we can get together, he has already told his ex wife about us.

I thought, huh, my luck is being weird, no hook ups for the rest of the week.

Well, for the past month, I have been stuck in hotels for work. So, I decided to , how can I say this delicately, let my inner whore out. So, I went on Grindr, and Silver Daddies thinking, some casual sex with no strings attached will be easy, boy was I wrong..............so, I am going to share the past 4 weeks with ya all.

First night in the hotel, I took my time got dressed, nothing major, a burgundy dress past my knees. Sat with a glass of wine and set up my grindr. Like 10 minutes later I had 9 pm's. Well, damn, now I feel good about myself. 2 or 3 were guys testing the waters, 1 was a very confused kid, and the rest started off with dick pic's.

They all had the same question, you like ?

Guess what skippy, I am 54 years old, I am a former combat medic and paramedic, I have seen a ton of penises in my life, yours aint special. But, I had set up a rule for myself, anyone that greets me with a penis, I block right away. At least say hello, here's my cock, you know, proper manners.

Well, the one I chose that night was this scared younger guy (I felt like such a cougar). He was telling me that one of me has been his fantasy, he has never done this before. Hmmmmmm, well, being a fantasy is kind of cool, I have never been an object of fantasy before.

Oh wait, does that make me objectified ? awwww screw it, I liked it.

So he comes over, we sit down on the bed, he was shaking, I mean visibly shaking. I am thinking if I touch his dick through his pants he would cum. He starts mumbling nonsense trying to sound cool, so, I am like

"Look, why dont you run your hand over my stockings, see how that feels " I could see him getting a boner in his pants. So I reached out and he made sounds like I thought he was gonna cry with fear. Yeah, I know, but I was enjoying the sense of power and sexuality.

It was like I was Crossdresser man, master of the erection (old he man joke).

So, I got his cock out and was stroking it, this thing was hard. He is still trying to say sexy things to me and be cool, but it is just sounding bad. I stroked it for a while and used my best sultry voice to speak with him, finally, screw it, i went down on him and he went stiff all over, I mean like someone having a seizure or an exorcisiscm or something.

He had no clue what to do. He was about 4.5 inches with respectable girth, so, I thought why not, handed him a condom. I asked what position he wanted he was like

"Can you just get on top of me and put it in"..............sure, we did that for a minute. he was grabbing my tits, I don't think he even realized they were silicone. Then he wanted to try doggy style, so he got behind me and started going to town for about a minute and a half and then I heard the unmistakeable uhhhhhhhh sound and it was over.

Hey, I give him an A+ for being enthusiastic though. Then he sits down and starts whimpering how sorry he is it didnt last longer and he doesnt hink he pleased me. So, being the nice girl I assured him of his manhood, and complimented how thick it was and how he used it like someone twice his age.

So, he gets dressed and is ready to leave, I am walking him to the door, he turns, hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and says

"I will never forget you, I want you to always be a part of my life"

Okay, that didnt go as planned, this is not good. I suggested he go home, patch things up with his girlfriend and move on with life. He responded, am I gay.

Well, shit-balls, now instead of being a cheap tramp for the nigh, I have to be a counselor. I am like, well, do you still like Vagina, do you still like boobs, they way a girl smells, their soft skin ?

Okay, then you may be bi, I wouldnt worry about it, this could be a one time thing................so he finally left.

Except I kept getting PM's for 2 weeks, how he misses me, wants to go on a real date etc etc etc, meet his parents. I had to jsut block him at that point.

So, I don't cruise, I don't generally do blow n go, and I generally don't do a one night stand. But a few days in a hotel, why not. I had an interaction in the hotel with a guy asking if I was an escort, I made some jokes and asked how much I was worth. Well, he felt bad and came down with some wine. After the first bottle and we were talking, one thing led to another.

I had asked him if he had ever been with a guy, as I thought he was hitting on me.
He said no, no way in hell, I am not gay..............hmmmmmm,, okay.
So I asked, but you were wondering if I was an escort, I kind of got the opinion you were interested.
He said yeah, a CD or Trans, but I don't do guys. I suggested he was Bi then ?

Nope he is 100% heterosexual, he just likes CD's and Trans

I didn't get the opinion he was homophobic or anything, but that he truly believed that there was some kind of magic that made me female when wearing a dress. Before you ask, yes, we did end up having sex. Honestly, it was very good. He was careful to only use female pro nouns, and every body part he called by a female name. Again,I dont think this was for my benefit, but his.

I put myself on grindr, just for fun, only met one person,but, I can tell you, I get a lot of texts or PM's or whatever you call it. I dont think its because I am so passable, I am not, and there are some seriously hot CD's on there, I mean wow. I think it's more of a gateway for some men.

They can still convince themselves they are not gay or BI, it's like a protection circuit for them.

I guess that makes me a gateway drug

But I do find it interesting how hard they work to consider themselves straight