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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]But it was what it was and while I didn't really like this behavior in myself, it made him happy and, importantly, made him more willing to shove his cock into my ass and give me a good fucking... but it also paved the way for him to jump me and suck my dick and any time he could. While we had many moments when we "made love," there were more moments where I'd be in the kitchen doing something... and the next thing I knew, he'd have me in his mouth and, man, did that annoy the shit out me!

But I had to understand why he was doing it and eventually I did understand it and just embraced having my dick sucked two or three (or more) times a day and damned near every day. My wife, who knew about all of this, thought the whole thing was cute and funny which kinda pissed me off - who's side was she really on? She said, one day, "That's what you get for being good at what you do, huh?"

I suppose so. He loved me so much that he even ate my wife's pussy when it was offered to him - turned out he was pretty good at it according to her. We talked about that and when I asked him why he agreed to do something that gay men don't do, he said, "I needed to understand this part of you; I love you and that means I accept everything about you and, um, I like the way your cock tastes after you fuck her so it just made sense to me to go ahead and taste that pussy myself."

Mind-blowing and if I hadn't had everything about this put into perspective before, my love and relationship with him did just that. I now understood it way better than I ever did and from many points of view. It broke my heart when he had to leave but I've never forgotten the things he taught me and because he loved me. Going forward, it was difficult not to compare other guys to the guy I loved so much but I had to see the error in this thinking and that, absent those feelings, the need to have a dick was still one not to be ignored or set aside.

You don't have to love the guy - you just gotta want to have sex with him. That moment in my life banished that "no reciprocation" thing I was having fun with; now, if you didn't suck dick, I didn't want anything to do with you and that remains true today. It's not about feelings or the lack thereof: It's about the act itself and invoking a "rule" from my early seven year period: If I suck your dick, you suck mine and it's non-negotiable.

The big difference in those periods was that, in the early one, it was just a matter of course but in this "new" one, it was a matter of preference; why should the other guy have all the fun of getting blown and I don't get to have the same kind of fun? Once I invoked this "rule," my feelings of being used by other men just went away; if you were gonna use me to bust a nut, I am as sure as hell gonna use you for the same reason.

Don't suck dick? See ya later and, sure, I kinda hated doing things like that but you gotta take a stance on some things in this - and this is the stance I took. It made me miss out of a lot of the dick I wanted to suck but it just wasn't a preference - it was a matter of principle. Sure, there were times I wanted and needed to be fucked (and despite being reluctant in this) but if you weren't going to blow me, we ain't doing a damned thing and no matter how badly we both wanted to do it.

I will happily and gladly suck your cock... but be ready to return the favor. But even in this, I made an exception...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I met and fell in love with an effeminate gay man. Now, my experiences with this kind of guy weren't what I'd call a lot of fun; it's very strange to interact with a guy who acts like a woman and it just rubbed me the wrong way - but it was something I had to get over since, most of the time, if there was a dick to be had, there was a gay man attached to it.

So falling in love with this beautiful soul of a man changed everything for me; I finally got to experience what it's like to be in love with a guy who loved me and the sex was beyond amazing although, admittedly, I had to get used to him pouncing on me out of nowhere and sucking my dick. Sounds like fun? Eh, not always but it was just another thing I had to get used to. Now, love makes you do some "strange" stuff and when we had sex, it wasn't enough for me to have him sucking my dick and fucking him - I wanted and needed him to fuck me even though, in this time of my life, I was no longer a fan of having a hard dick in my ass and, no, I really can't explain it. What I did know what because I loved him, I wanted all of him... and that including feeling his hard, beautiful cock pumping away in my ass...

Except, um, that wasn't his thing to do; he was my introduction to what I call a pure bottom; he was the girl in this relationship and, in his mind, sliding his cock into me wasn't ever to be done... and I was determined that he was gonna do it and even told him, "If you really do love me, you will fuck me..."

Oh... he didn't like it one bit and I found myself feeling really shitty for making him do something he didn't want to do. I didn't want him to fuck me as a matter of course but, damn it, when I wanted him inside me, that's what had to happen whether I feel like a heel or not. He'd fuck me and, as he said, because it made me happy and it was his "job" to make me happy; it took him a while to admit that fucking wasn't as horrible as he thought and that he understood that in the name of love, sometimes, you had to do things you wouldn't normally do.

He was effeminate and submissive and that bothered me to no end... and I didn't know why. He was happiest when I'd just go to him and just take him and if I was a little rough in the taking, that made him even happier. The thing that bothered me was I liked bogarting him like that and something inside me was saying that I shouldn't enjoy physically imposing my will on him - you just don't do that to someone you love, right?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've always loved sucking dick and the only thing better than sucking dick is eating pussy and cock sucking is best when it's shared; I suck you off, you suck me off, we walk away happy. But now I found that reciprocation wasn't "a thing" for some reason and I found myself sucking a lot of dicks without wanting that favor returned.

If the guy did, I was okay with it... but it seemed and felt like I was focused on doing a lot of giving and not a whole lot of receiving. Guys would want me to suck them off and say they didn't suck dick... and that was fine with me as long as I got to suck them off and if I could get them off twice, so much the better. Some guys would want to fuck but, eh, okay but that's not what I really wanted to do and, looking back, I think I had finally and really embraced my love of sucking cock.

Those of you who love to suck cock knows exactly what I'm talking about and for those of you who have yet to suck a dick, keep reading and I'll tell you that you really don't know what you're missing when you keep finding reasons not to.

Still, I sometimes couldn't get over that feeling of being used; I'm not getting sucked in return and the other guy sometimes wouldn't literally give me a hand and get me off that way so I'd wind up doing it myself... and was this really okay with me? It was... and wasn't and I had to figure out why because it was starting to steal my joy of cock sucking. The answer for me was to focus on the act and not so much the guy involved. If we were cool with each other, fine - but if not, it's still sex; it's still that chance to do what I love so much and the truth is that I was using him just as much as he was using me; he wanted his dick sucked and his balls emptied and I wanted to do just that and for my own pleasure.

But then, another change happened...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Now I had to be convinced that it would be worth my while to give up my cock and/or ass... even when every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do whatever the other guy wanted to do. That "used" feeling is a very nasty one and even nastier than the guilt some guys feel over having sex like this; again, just as women tend to feel, I didn't want to just be a piece of ass...

But I had to realize that I really was and for the next seven years - between the ages of 16 and 23 - I had a lot of shit to process about this bisexual thing. Oh, I was still getting dick but I was really questioning whether or not feelings other than lust were really needed. Again, I'd do it with a guy just because he wanted to do it... and so did I... but what changed? Why was I now either making it harder for a guy to give me the dick I wanted or denying myself and because I couldn't handle the reality of things, that to a lot of guys, all I was and meant to them was a means to a spermy end?

I eventually came to the conclusion that other feelings, while nice, weren't really necessary or, as I say today, you don't have to like the guy like that - you just gotta like him enough to have sex with him while understanding that, yeah, you're just a piece of ass to him and, in truth, any guy I didn't have, at the least, feelings of friendship was, indeed, just a piece of ass to me.

He was just someone I wanted to have sex with and, likewise, that made me fair game as well. That's a bitch and a half to get your mind around but I was determined to get my head around it because, for me, there was nothing worse than wanting some dick... and coming up with reasons not to get it: That just did not make sense to me at all (and it still doesn't).

During this seven year period, I also found myself in a peculiar situation...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=courier new][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]You might be wondering what happened after those seven, crazy, and sex-filled years and the simplest answer I can give is that it was just business as usual for me. I wasn't as crazy as before, became a lot more discriminating when it came to getting jiggy with a guy and instead of saying yes all of the time, I learned to say no... even when I didn't really want to.

It wasn't that dick was hard to find - it was always plentiful and no matter where I went; it just became a thing of picking the right guy at the right moment. I knew I could just do it because it was second nature to me but I was now in a period or moment where I felt that, sometimes, I wasn't appreciated and I was just being used for another guy's pleasure.

It brought home some very serious lessons about both men and sex, that being, it's almost always about using someone for your pleasure and the only difference was any feelings other than lust. Like women learn, you learn that giving your body to a guy and because you think he really gives a bit of a fuck about you can turn out to be anything but; you go away from an encounter feeling used and dirty and, for me, that was a lot of shit to process.

Or, as Tina Turner sang, "What's love got to do with it?" We grow up believing that sex and love, such as it is, goes well together and it does but it also gives us the thought that sex without those deeper feelings makes sex cheap, dirty, empty, and meaningless. My mission at this point was to dispute this and more so when I'd been happily having sex with guys and regardless to how I felt about them except those guys I just couldn't stand - but that's pretty normal I'd say.[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Today, um, I'm still easy to have sex with... but not as easy as I once was. I learned there's a balance of sorts, moments that no matter what you feel like doing with a guy, it's best to just say no. I learned a lot about having preferences and how they can sometimes make sure you don't get any dick at all so to make things easy, I developed a minimum set of preferences: Be clean and healthy, be old enough to legally have sex and, importantly, don't be my idea of an asshole.

Most guys can't meet that last requirement. Still, I see too many men making it harder to get some dick when they should be making it easier... and maybe some guys make it harder because they don't want to turn into a cock whore? I don't really know but I know what that was like for me: I loved it and hated it all at the same time and it's one of those things that if I could go back and do those seven years over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

I still very much love sucking dick and sometimes I want to feel that dick inside me and pumping all that hot spunk in my ass... but sometimes you just say no because it makes sense to say no. Having said that, if you don't have a reason to say no, then do it because it's what you need. Back then, I needed a lot of dick (and pussy, of course) and I didn't let too much get in the way of me getting naked with some guy and having sex, whether it was just sucking each other off until neither of us could get it up again or lying down and being fucked until you felt that incredibly and nasty feeling that comes with being inseminated... and when men aren't supposed to be doing that to each other.

Being in a moment when an adult was atop me and telling me how good my ass felt around his dick? Yeah, I should have said no... but I didn't. Maybe I really couldn't say no and maybe this particular "sordid" thing was just how things really were. I eventually figured that part of those seven years out, saw every moment when I should have said no and headed for the hills as fast as my legs would carry me... but I didn't and some grown-ass man would pump his spunk into because I wanted and needed him to. There was a... power to be felt to have a grown-up dick in my mouth and making its owner cuss up a storm as I used my mouth to make him shoot his load.

Such an ego trip and one I can't really explain. I remember the day "Mr. Herman" wanted to fuck me... and I told him no, I didn't want to. I knew, from the other guys who had sex with him, that his dick was really big and he liked to make it hurt a lot. And Mr. Herman had all of that big dick in my ass and making it hurt really good and he took a long time to shoot his stuff into me. I wasn't mad at him - I was mad at myself, feeling his balls slapping against me, feeling his long, thick cock spreading my hold wider than it had ever been and, yeah, feeling pretty pissy when he unloaded into me, his dick pumping so strongly I could feel it in my belly.

He said he was gonna fuck me again and I didn't want him to; I was so sore it wasn't funny and I told him as much... and he slid that big-assed dick in me again (after sucking me off) and I hated that I loved it so much. Should have said no - didn't say no and, honestly, I don't really regret saying no to him but, yup, felt some kind of way because I didn't say no and being mad with myself because I was having a very hard time sitting down after he got done with me.

Cock whore? Yep - that was me... and I don't regret it. I do sometimes feel ashamed of myself because I wanted the dick as much as I did and I'd get it when maybe I shouldn't have been so easy and eager to do it. It was what it was and I can't change it; all I can really do is not let it fuck with me - and it doesn't... but I gotta be real with myself because in those seven short years, I was such the cock whore.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"So why do you want us to do it if it makes you mad?" I had asked her.

"Because I shouldn't like it when you eat and fuck me... but I do like it," she had said. "It's wrong... but right at the same time - does that make sense? I know I shouldn't let other boys fuck me but I like it when they fuck me."

It made perfectly good sense to me because even with her, when she'd say, "I need some dick!" I should tell her no and to get it from some other guy... and instead of saying no, we'd do it anyway. Sometimes she'd even tell me that she shouldn't have asked me to fuck her and for all the obvious reasons - and sometimes she'd say it while I was dick-deep in her.

"I just don't know how to say no," she said. "Besides, I like the way you do it to me."

"But we both know how wrong this is," I pointed out.

"Yeah... as long as you don't knock me up, I don't see what the problem is, ya know?" she said. "Now, eat my pussy again..."

Through her and other girls, I understood this "cock whore" thing and, yeah, I was one of them. Pull your dick out and if nothing else, you were gonna get sucked off; if you wanted to fuck me, sure, go for it... even when everything in my head was yelling at me to say no. Sometimes, I'd be getting fucked... and wishing the guy would hurry up and cum in me so this could be over with. Sometimes, it was him - he was the wrong guy to do it with but most of the time, I was very pissed with myself because like my sister had said, I didn't know how to say no... but I realized that most of the time, I felt pissy with myself after the fact and never before the fact.

I eventually "survived" being a cock whore - you just learn some shit about being too easy but you also learn that there's an advantage in being easy - it gets you the dick that you crave even if you wind up not liking it so much after the fact. Even my brother had his cock whore moments where he'd tell me that he always wanted to do it with a guy... but knew he should have said no... and didn't.

And, yeah, that included me as well. He'd ask me to do it to him, I'd want to say no... and never did; I found out that he would be thinking no - he wasn't gonna ask me to do it to him - then got mad with himself because he did ask. He even said one day that we should stop doing it to each other... but he knew that he didn't want to stop; he asked me if that made sense and I told him that it did... because I felt the same way. It was a deep conversation we had about this and when we got done talking...

We did it to each other anyway. And it was good as always and we both said, after the fact, that we should have said no to each other... but it didn't make sense to do that.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Because when you couldn't find a girl who wanted to do it, you could always find a guy who wanted to and the two of you could get together and suck and fuck each other silly and, yeah, sometimes, when you first thought that it might not be that good of an idea... but you also couldn't stop yourself from saying yes and doing it.

And loving it. I don't know how many times in those seven years I'd find myself lying on my stomach and there was a dick in my ass and a guy lying on top of me making all of those sex noises while his dick was going in and out of me... and I loved it... and hated myself because I loved it and, yeah, hated and loved that I said yes instead of saying no. Did I feel bad when one of the adult men in the 'hood was the one fucking me? Yes... and not so much, to be honest. It wasn't like I didn't know how wrong it was because I did and I'd be mad at myself because instead of thinking about how wrong it was and running away, I thought about how good it was gonna fell and stayed put to be subjected to the man's lust as he fucked me and filled my ass to overflowing with sperm.

I wanted more and more... and more and I knew I shouldn't but, damn it, I couldn't say no! When I tell you that all someone had to do was pull out their dick and I'd be all over it, that's not me "glorifying" things: I was really that easy and eager to do it. Today, we think in terms of tops and bottoms and in those seven years, I was very versatile; didn't matter to me if I was the one being sucked off or the one shoving my dick in a tight - or not so tight ass - then finding myself being the one doing the sucking and basking in the nasty feelings to feel the other guy's hard dick worming its way into my butt.

Those seven years taught me a lot about why girls behaved the way they did when they were being eaten and fucked, how they both loved and hated it and hating themselves because it was easy for someone to get them naked and fuck them. I even talked to my sister about it one day after we had sex and she said that she knew how I felt; she always wanted the dick even when she knew she should say no and she felt that way with me as well.[/SIZE][/FONT]