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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My protege called me a sexy bitch... I went off on him - verbally since he's on one side of the country and I'm on the other side and believe me, what I said to him wasn't even close to being nice. He apologized and I accepted it... but I was still furious and one thing I told him was that he should be glad I wasn't sitting next to him when he said that.

I'm usually in control of my temper; you can call me a nigger and I'm just gonna laugh at you... call me a bitch and I'm gonna be thinking of all the things I can do to you... and none of them are gonna feel good. Now, realistically, I know I shouldn't react this way... but I'm still very much a man even if I'm sucking your dick. There is nothing submissive about me - my mind just doesn't work like that - and trying to make me submissive, well, that's not gonna work and I'm gonna tell you that and in no uncertain terms.

I'm not a hard-ass; indeed, I'm stupidly easy to get along with... as long as you keep in mind that even though I'm sucking your cock, I'm still a man doing this and just as dominant in my thinking and actions and, if needed, dangerously so. It's why I stay away from BDSM things; I have the wrong mindset for it because I learned that, lord, help me, I like inflicting pain on people... and that's just not my idea of a good time having sex.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I did learn to not be... violent and to tell a guy right up front that calling me a bitch and treating me like a woman is not only a deal breaker but it's disrespectful and I will not ever tolerate being disrespected - so ya better watch your mouth and act like you know...[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Before I act like I don't. You wanna play those macho games? You got the wrong guy, fella. Sure, I'll suck your dick because, um, I love sucking dick. You think you're gonna "make" me do it? Guess again, homey; my mind just does not work like that and, by the way, did I mention that I'm a trained killer?[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]One guy said, "Yeah, take this dick like a good little whore!" as he was fucking me... and he was surprise to find himself on the floor - and he was lucky that's all that happened other than me saying, "Call me a whore again and find out what's gonna happen..."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Another guy was fucking me and I wasn't having fun so I told him to stop and get off - and out - of me. He said, "I'm a real man giving you good dick and you're gonna be a good bitch and take this dick!"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I broke one of his fingers and then choked him out... because I ain't your bitch... and the dick wasn't that good.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I learned some shit about myself that I didn't like but I had to understand why I didn't like it and, again, not to be, um, overly violent when being disrespected in such a fashion. Yeah, girls suck dick and get fucked... and I'm still not a girl, bitch, whore, or any other female thing you can make come out of your mouth. "Bitch" is a fighting word and one I don't ever dare to let come out of my mouth and no matter who I'm having sex with.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]It's probably why effeminate gay men make me insane because they wanna be a bitch and, often, to be used like I'd do a woman. One guy actually asked me why I didn't call him a good cock sucking bitch and, honestly? I thought about saying it - and didn't because I'm not going to disrespect someone like that because I don't wanna be disrespected like that.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I remember the first time a guy said that to me while sucking his dick and to say I was furious doesn't begin to explain or describe what I was feeling in that moment. I stopped sucking him... and punched him dead in the face and the fight that ensued was fueled by what being called a bitch made me feel.

After I kicked his ass, I went back to sucking his dick - why not? - and while he said a lot of things before he came and while he was flooding my mouth with sperm, calling me a bitch wasn't something he let out his mouth.

I absolutely abhor being called a bitch... just because I'm sucking cock. I get it - it's always been a thing only women are supposed to do... but I'm not a woman and the mistake a lot of guys made with me was thinking I was... womanly because I sucked their dick and they could fuck me.

One guy said, while I was blowing him, "Yeah, you're such a good girl, baby! Suck it, suck it baby girl!" - and I bit him, not hard enough to draw blood but to let him know that I'm not a girl and sure as fuck not your baby girl. Yeah... another fight ensued and after I made him submit with a nasty arm lock, we had a long talk about this.

I'm a man albeit one who sucks cocks and likes being fucked. There is nothing "girly" about me and I'm too much of an alpha male to let someone treat me like I'm a woman since, um, a woman isn't likely to stop whatever she's doing and try to break your nose for insulting them or impose their will upon you. Not saying that there aren't women who wouldn't do this - they just usually don't other than getting pissed off.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I did want to know what it was like to eat someone's ass and the first ass I ate was a woman's. I was going down on her and, well, her asshole was right there so I gave it a lick, expecting her to freak out and expected her hole to taste... shitty. She yelped and surprised me by saying, "Do that again!"

So I did, alternating between eating her ass and her pussy and making her cum over and over before I stopped eating her and fucked her. I went on to eat quite a few female asses but, oddly and strangely, I've rarely eaten a guy's ass - like maybe twice. One guy liked it so much he shot his load all over the place; the other guy, eh, I guess he was on the fence about it - he said he didn't dislike it but didn't say that he did like it.

I know some guys are seriously into this but I'm not sure that I am... or want to be.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He's really going for it and he stopped for a moment to ask me if I liked what he was doing... and I told him I wasn't sure so he went right back to eating my ass like I'd eat a woman's pussy. Oh, my god - he's licking, sucking, driving his tongue into my hole... and I'm still trying not to laugh; I'm holding the laughter in and my body is shaking with that effort... but I thought he mistook my body movements to be me enjoying what he was doing - so he really started going for it.

It stopped being funny... but it didn't start to feel good so much. I wanted him to stop munching on my ass and slide his dick in but he's having a lot of fun eating my ass, moaning, groaning and digging his fingers into my cheeks hard enough to make it uncomfortable as he tried to spread my cheeks apart and more than they were gonna get spread.

Just as I was about to tell him to stop, I hear him really groaning with his face buried in my ass - and the next thing I feel is him not eating my ass... and his cum is now landing on my buttcheeks.

And I was pissed. I roll over and he's lying there gasping for air and, I guess, feeling pretty good and I wanted to slap that happy look off of face.

"Sorry about that," he said, grinning at me. "Your asshole was so good for me to eat that I couldn't stop from cumming! Let me rest up for a bit and we can fuck each other, okay?"

My dick was rock hard, my balls were starting to ache... and I was still pissed about not getting that dick in my ass so I told him, "Nope - not gonna happen; I'm leaving after I take care of this."

I wrapped my hand around my dick and jerked off; he tried to suck me but I pushed him away and told him, "You were so busy licking my asshole and didn't want to fuck me... so you can watch me get myself off!"

I busted a nut - some of it got on him - but I could easily tell he wasn't happy with how this was turning out. I was... rude; I wiped my hand clean on his sheets, gave him my most "hateful" look, got dressed and was getting ready to leave.

"But, didn't you like having your ass eaten?" he asked.

"No, not really; I don't know what you expected me to feel but all I wanted to do was laugh - that's how weird that shit felt," I said. "I'm outta here; let me know when you really wanna fuck."

He never did let me know and I was fine with that. I had time to sit and think about whether or not I really did like having my ass eaten or not and it wouldn't be for another couple of years when I'd get my ass eaten again - and I decided that it was okay but not really all that.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I remember the first time a guy ate my ass and it was the weirdest thing I'd experienced. We'd run into each other, started talking, things turned to sex... then boy/boy sex... and we go to his place and things were going "as usual" as we kinda cuddled - licking and sucking on nipples, ears, necks, before turning our attention to each other's cock. I knew he was gonna fuck me then be fucked by me and I was so very hot and bothered - I wanted him inside me and he couldn't get there fast enough - but I didn't want to put any pressure on him.

He sucks me off, holding my dick deep in his mouth as I lost my load and I had refrained from sucking him off so he could fuck me; he tells me to turn over and I'm thinking, "Oh, yeah... this is what I've been waiting for!"

He spreads my ass cheeks and I'm shivering in anticipation, expected to feel the coolness of the lube that was sitting on his side table - and the next thing I feel is his tongue probing my hole! I remember my body stiffening for a moment as my brain worked out what he was doing - he's licking and sucking my asshole and it was such a weird and unexpected sensation that it was all I could do not to start laughing.[/SIZE][/FONT]

My 2019 reading list:
Green Odyssey - Philip Jose Farmer
Where The Hell Is Tesla - Rob Dirks
The Gone-Away World - Nick Harkaway
Don’t Touch The Blue Stuff - Rob Dirks
The Accidental Time Machine - Joe Haldeman
Dragon’s Egg - Robert L. Forward
An Absolutely Remarkable Thing: A Novel - Hank Green
Stars Uncharted - S.K. Dunstall
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne
The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Lewis Stephenson
Revelation Space - Alastair Reynolds
Reincarnation Blues: A Novel - Michael Poore
Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism and Progress - Steven Pinker
Chasm City- Alastair Reynolds
Nova - Samuel R. Delaney classic
Stars In My Pocket Like Grains Of Sand - Samuel R. Delany
Redemption Ark - Alastair Reynolds
The Great Wall Of Mars - Alastair Reynolds
Gate Crashers - Patrick S. Tomlinson meh
Tiamat’s Wrath - James S.A. Corey
How To Be A Stoic - Massimo Pigliucci
Absolution Gap - Alastair Reynolds
War of the Spheres - B.V. Larson and James D. Millington
Galactic North - Alastair Reynolds
Diamond Dogs And Turquoise Days- Alastair Reynolds
Salvation - Peter F. Hamilton
House of Suns - Alastair Reynolds
The History of the Ancient World - Susan Wise Bauer (great)
Outland - Dennis E. Taylor
Merlin’s Gun - Alastair Reynolds
Alien III - movie script - William Gibson
Fall, Or Dodge In Hell: A Novel - Neal Stephenson (meh)
DMT: The Spirit Molecule - Rick Strassman
QuickSilver - Neal Stephenson
Pushing Ice - Alastair Reynolds
The Confusion - Neal Stephenson
Thud! - Terry Pratchett
Gigi Make Paradox, Where The Hell Is Tesla, Book 3 - Rob Dircks (meh)
The Prefect - Alastair Reynolds
Elysium Fire - Alastair Reynolds
Revenger - Alastair Reynolds
Shadow Captain - Alastair Reynolds
Terminal World - Alastair Reynolds
The System Of The World - Neal Stephenson
Blue Remembered Earth - Alastair Reynolds
On The Steel Breeze - Alastair Reynolds
Poseidon’s Wake - Alastair Reynolds
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
Octavia Gone (Alex Benedict, #8) - Jack McDevitt (meh)
Troika / The One Man And The Martian Sea - Alastair Reynolds
Contact - Carl Sagan
Autonomous: A Novel - Annalee Newitz
Wolverine: The Long Night - Marvel and Stitcher
Barbary Station - R. E. Stearns
Velocity Weapon - Megan O’Keefe meh
Cage Of Souls - Adrian Tchaikovsky
Mutiny On Vesta - R. E. Stearns
PlanetSide - Michael Mammay
SpaceSide - Michael Mammay
How To: Absurd Scientific Advice For Common Real-World Problems - Randal Munroe
The Algebraist - Ian M. Banks
The Knowledge: How To Rebuild Our World From Scratch - Lewis Dartnell
The Wall - John Lanchester
The Milk Lady Of Bangalore - Shoba Narayan
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Volume 3 - Edward Gibbon
Quantum Space - Douglas Philips - fun
Accelerando - Charles Stross - funny
Early Riser - Jasper Fforde
Quantum Void - Douglas Philips
Pandemic - A.G. Riddle
Genome - A.G. Riddle
Futuristic Violence And Fancy Suits - David Wong
Departure - A.G. Riddle - meh
Cold Storage - David Koepp
World War Z - Max Brooks
The Hydrogen Sonata (Culture #10) - Ian M. Banks
Finder - Suzanne Palmer
New Eden - Kishore Tipinemi
The Atlantis Gene - A.G. Riddle
The Atlantis Plague - A.G. Riddle
The Origins Of Everything In 100 Pages (More Or Less) - David Bercovici
The War Of The Worlds - Radio Recreation- H. G. Wells (L.A. Theater adaption)
The Atlantis World - A.G. Riddle
The Three-Body Problem - Cixin Liu
The Dark Forest - Cixin Liu
The Fifth Elephant, Discworld 24 - Terry Pratchett
Small Gods, Discworld 13 - Terry Pratchett
Mort, Discworld 4 - Terry Pratchett
Death’s End - Cixin Liu
Night Watch, Discworld 29 - Terry Pratchett
Guards! Guards!, Discworld 8 - Terry Pratchett
A Short History Of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
Men At Arms, Discworld 15 - Terry Pratchett
Feet Of Clay, Discworld 19 - Terry Pratchett
Jingo, Discworld 21 - Terry Pratchett
Reaper Man, Discworld 11 - Terry Pratchett
Breakthrough - Michael C. Grumley
Soul Music, Discworld 16 - Terry Pratchett
Auboror - James S.A. Corey
Leap - Michael C. Grumley (#100)
Hogfatherm Discworld 29 - Terry Pratchett
This Is How You Lose The Time War - Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone
Walking to Aldeberon - Adrian Tchaikovsky - fun
Entanglement - Gerald Kilby
The Enceladus Mission - Brandon Q. Morris
Entropy - Gerald Kilby
The Thief Of Time, Discworld 26 - Terry Pratchett
Equal Rites, Discworld 3 - Terry Pratchett
Evolution - Gerald Kilby
The Light Brigade - Kameron Hurley - ok
Witches Abroad, Discworld 12 - Terry Pratchett
The Stars Are Legion - Kameron Hurley
Lords and Ladies, Discworld 14 - Terry Pratchett
Colony One Mars - Gerald M. Kilby - meh
Maskerade, Discworld 18 - Terry Pratchett
Carpe Jugulum, Discworld 23 - Terry Pratchett
The Titan Probe - Brandon Q. Morris
Sourcery, Diskworld 5 - Terry Pratchett - #118

Sexuality is something I feel I had struggled with all my life. Born in the 70's, all I wanted to be is normal like everyone else so I denied and suppressed anything that wasn't considered the norm, however feelings and desires kept popping in to my mind (both waking and sleeping fantasies), some of which I was happy to have, others, ashamed and it lead to an unhappy and confusing life, both sexually and mentally. I went through stages thinking I could be gay, others, straight, but didn't know what I was and it never occurred that I was somewhere in between as back then you were either straight or gay.

Since puberty I think I always realised deep down that I wasn't straight but realisation and acceptance are very much two different things. Once I made the decision to accept and embrace my sexual orientation, all the events and feelings throughout my life suddenly made sense. They should've made sense straight away but the stigma and lack of acceptance around bisexuality and basically any orientation that isn't straight was a contributing factor and still is today so like many, I remain in the closet.

Self acceptance is important for one's mental health and I am better for doing so. I'm far more happy now than I've been in a very long time. Accepting didn't mean I had to tell anyone it was just acknowledging that which most with same sex tendancies have felt for a long time, different and there's nothing wrong with being different. Everyone is different. Acceptance removed the shame and guilt I felt for having these desires or after I masturbated to same sex fantasies or gay porn. The shame was very real for me but I realised you can only fight nature for so long, nature always wins. I was born this way.

What was needed for me to start the journey, and it has been a journey was a catalyst. My catalyst was feeling a strong attraction to a friend but what helped me accept my sexuality was to put it all in writing, from the beginning to the end, answer questions of my sexual desires and feelings and what I want from my remaining years truthfully and once I did so, it wasn't difficult to see. I thought I would feel different and in some ways I do, I feel normal. Bisexual is my normal.

I love being bisexual, it gives me a sense of pride I've not had. I feel truly lucky. I believe there are many more men and women stuck in limbo just like I was who will hopefully one day find their feet. Everyone's journey is different but I hope this helps someone.