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[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]"I guess it does; when you're a girl, you kinda feel girly most of the time, right?" she asked before she started laughing again.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]We drove along for the next several miles in near silence and my mind was reviewing all of the times I'd had a guy on top of me and he was driving his dick in and out of my asshole. It felt good and, yeah, I supposed it did feel weird to have a guy doing to me what I'd do to both girls and guys.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"What's the best part for you when a guy is fucking you?" she asked, breaking the silence.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"When he cums," I said without hesitation. "Well, to feel him sliding in and out of you feels good, too, you know, depending on how he's fucking you but after a while, it kinda stops feeling good and your body is kinda waiting to feel his dick get bigger and fatter... then it's pumping away; sometimes you can feel it going in you, sometimes you can't but he's pumping away and you know what he's doing to you."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"Yeah... trying to get you pregnant," she quipped - and that started yet another round of near hysterical laughter. "You ever get upset when a guy fucks you and he doesn't cum?"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"Oh, yeah - that used to piss me off something fierce," I said with a laugh of my own. "I'd be lying there, waiting for him to shoot his load into me and... he pulls out saying he can't cum... and I'd get mad and think that he just put me through all of that for nothing. I realized that it happens and, truth be told, it didn't happen all that often and, well, I just learned not to get bent out of shape about it because I did want to be fucked and he fucked me."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"That shit pisses women off," she said. "Even though you're kinda glad he didn't cum in you because you can't get pregnant if he doesn't cum - well, for the most part, anyway."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"True enough," I agreed. "But since we don't have to worry about that, I guess that it just makes sense that if you're going to be fucked, you want that load pumped into you."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"Ever wish you hadn't done it?"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"A lot of times," I said, feeling my face frown up. "It always sound like a good idea and sometimes turns out to be the worst decision you could have made. Some guys aren't of a mind to make it feel good to you and some guys are, at least for me, way too rough to be enjoyed; then you're lying there and praying that he hurries the fuck up and cum so he can get out of you... and, yeah, just like women tend to experience as well."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"How do you deal with that?" she asked.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"I don't know about other guys but I had to change the way I thought about being fucked and understanding that, yeah, sometimes you can do the right thing with the wrong guy so now it's about being able to take away as many positives as you can. I'd get fucked by a guy and it was the worst decision I made... but I did get fucked and he did suck me off before he fucked me so I did get something out of it even if I didn't like the way things went."

"That's an interesting way to look at it," she said.

"I guess. Good and bad are subjective things and most of the time, it's only bad when you think about it after the fact. Sometimes it starts out being "bad" or, really, not what you expected or wanted but you keep letting it happen because it could get better... and when it doesn't, sure - it makes you feel like you made a huge mistake."

"So you really got to understand what dudes put women through and makes them feel when they give up the pussy, huh?" she asked.

"I really did," I confirmed. "I don't know about other guys like me but knowing this changed the way I have sex with women; you just try the best you can to not have her thinking that she made a huge mistake by giving up the pussy to you."

"It is hard for a guy to please you when he fucks you?" she asked... and I blinked because before she asked the question, I had never given any thought to this aspect at all.


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[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]"Or, maybe it still is and you're just not paying that much attention to it," I added. "Back in the early days, we'd be too worried about getting caught to think about how weird it was and to a lot of us, well, it was just part of a progression."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"A progression?" she asked.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]"Yeah - it's the easiest way I can explain it. See, you start out sucking dick and yeah - it feels good but weird to get your dick sucked by a guy or to be sucking a guy's dick and after a while, fucking just seems to be the next logical thing to try. Some guys didn't want to try it and some tried it and kept going with it but some guys would try it a couple of times and decide it wasn't much fun for them."

"Does it feel weird to have a guy cum in you?" she asked. "You know that me and a lot of women think it feels pretty weird the first time a guy cums inside you."

"It does feel weird," I agreed, my mind flashing back to the moment the man that turned me onto dick shot his load into my ass. "It's a... good kind of weird? I'm not sure how to describe it. I mean, once you figured out what that shooting sperm stuff is all about and how it can get girls pregnant, I don't know about any other guy but I would feel very weird knowing that this guy was trying to get me pregnant."

My wife started laughing and I laughed right along with her because, of course, there's just no way for a guy to get knocked up by another guy - and all "jelly baby" jokes aside.

"It made me understand some shit about sex," I said, slowing down some because traffic, for some reason, was slowing down in front of us. "It's really all about cumming and for dudes, well, sometimes it doesn't matter where your sperm is going or who it's going in as long as you can cum."

"I can understand that," she said, still kinda giggling over what I'd said about getting pregnant.

"We had a thing growing up - if you weren't willing to suck and fuck, you couldn't hang out with us," I said. "Well, except for our resident gay guy who didn't like to fuck... but he sure loved sucking dick and being fucked and since he did, he was the exception to our rule. I remember asking him one time - after I'd got done fucking him - why he liked being fucked so much."

"What did he say?" she asked.

"He said it made him feel nice and girly," I answered. "At the time, it didn't make much sense to me but, then again, the whole gay thing didn't make a lot of sense. I was like, okay, he likes it and I like fucking him and I just let it drop. But whenever a guy would fuck me, I came to understand what he meant by what he said - you do feel kinda girly but not always in a bad way, if that makes any sense?"

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]With the kids safely tucked away with their grandmother, my [first] wife and I went on a day trip to NYC, the decision made to go there by flipping a coin - heads, we go to The Big Apple, tails we go to DC. It was good to get away from home and the kids and we wanted to take as much time we could just to be together and go about our time with no plans other than to have fun and relax.

Once we crossed the bridge into NJ and hit the turnpike, well, we were having fun, listening to the radio, fussing at all the crazy drivers whizzing by us and sometimes followed by the state police, complete with flashing lights - just a husband and wife on the road and being in the moment. After a stop at a roadside rest stop - and just because it was there - we continued our trip, munching on French fries and my wife asked me a question.

"I know you've been screwed by guys... is it weird?" she asked.

"You know, I'm not sure that I've ever really thought about how weird it is," I said, smoothly changing lanes to pass a slower car. "I mean, you know it's not supposed to be done and it's "nasty" and all that but, yeah, I guess it is kinda weird, now that you got me thinking about it."

"I'd ask you what it feels like to be fucked but I already know that," she said, grinning at me. "I still remember the night you did me in my ass; it felt weird, but good; yeah, it hurt some but not really - is that about right?"

"For the most part," I agreed, feeling my dick starting to get hard remembering the night she was referring to. "Like, if ya didn't know it hurts going in - and some guys really don't know - then it's a big shock to the system but since almost everyone knows it's gonna hurt some, you either learn to deal with it or you don't."

"True, true," she said.

"I think - now that you have me thinking about it - the weirdest thing isn't being fucked; it's how it makes you feel," I said. "It's a combination of things and beginning with you know good and damned well you're not supposed to be getting fucked by another guy; you feel... vulnerable, scared, excited and when he gets into position to stick it in you, you're both tense with anticipation while trying to relax as much as you can because it's really gonna hurt something fierce if your body is all tensed-up when he starts pushing it in."

"Once he gets it in, well, he starts fucking you... and sometimes it's made me feel like a girl, sometimes I've felt... bad about being fucked and sometimes worse admitting to myself that it feels good," I continued, feeling my butt-hole kinda twitching. "Sometimes a guy will make it really nice and sometimes you're lying there getting dicked and wishing you hadn't agreed to it."

"I know that's right," she said. "So guys tend to find out what women know about being fucked?"

"That's pretty much a given," I said. "It's not always bad and, I dunno, once you get used to it, I guess it stops being weird," I said.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]Human sexuality is a funny thing, not funny Ha Ha, but funny that for the most part, many struggle with it but once they accept it, often wonder where all the anxiety and stress came from. Phillip Schofield just came out gay after over 20 odd years of marriage and I can just imagine the internal struggles he went through over those years. This is controversial and may annoy some but I believe most people, if not all are innately bisexual. They have the capacity to fall in love or pleasure, for the sake of this blog and to keep things simple, men and women.[/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]The same behaviour is witnessed in the animal kingdom, perhaps not the love part, who knows, so why should humans be any different? I applaud Mr Schofield for having the strength I do not. He has decided that he has to live the remainder of his years the person who he was born to be. Yes, I believe there is an element of genetic coding at play. There isn't necessarily a gay gene, but a gene that may make them more susceptible to same sex attraction and it's more dominant in some than others. When you add in opportunity or situation in to the fray, some will act upon it, even those who claim to be 100% straight.

I myself maintain I was born this way. I didn't become bisexual overnight, it was a long arduous journey over many years and can honestly say that I felt different from mid-late puberty as my hormones really kicked in. I knew I wasn't straight but there was no bisexual back then, it was straight or gay, you had to choose sides so I did and lived with it buried in my inner most soul for a quarter of a century. This journey need not have been anywhere near as long if not for social convention and religion making it so. Who any man or woman chooses to love or have sex with is no one else's business. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]Perhaps the next human evolution in 1000 years may be further down this path and genders become irrelevant, it's just sex and love, if we don't blow ourselves up first. Until then most of us will just have to continue to live in the shadows or closets, but every so often there is a little light, a glimmer of hope when someone of fame, such as Mr Schofield comes out and the world is full or praise and support, not disgust. I'm sure there's many out there who are full of disgust but the overwhelming response has been positive in the media so I hope it's actually been like that for him out of the spotlight too.[/FONT]
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I believe there are three major stages, realisation, acceptance and acknowledgement when it comes to sexuality. Realisation is not acceptance. I realised from an early age that I had same sex tendencies and like so many, didn't accept it till later on in life. Acknowledgement is the final stage, it's when an individual acknowledges it to others, aka, coming out. It's the stage I am struggling with and may never enter though I would very much like too. It's a stage you don't have too enter, it's totally optional. It's the acceptance stage that matters the most. Acceptance for me is the key to a happy life sexuality wise. I personally no longer feel any guilt associated with my desires, fantasies or dreams because it's nature and therefore natural, not to mention pleasurable. It's a part of who I am, it's a part of who I want to be. I don't want to be straight. Bisexual feels right.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]As the Pride parade is today in New Zealand, my hope is to one day participate. I never knew why they held the parade when I was wearing my straight mask, I thought it was a bit flamboyant and look at me. It was not until I accepted my sexuality that I understood why. For me, my sense of pride came from the acceptance. I was finally at peace instead of fighting myself every step of the way. I had won the battle even though some would say I lost. I had accomplished what many cannot, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and I simply wanted to be a part of something bigger than me. This is where the forums come in. It's my parade for the moment. It's my outlet. It allows me to be me. It allows me to express myself. If we all don't use it, we risk losing it and that will be a very dark day for us all.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“With us, I guess there’s an understanding. If there’s not going to be any fucking, sucking each other off is the thing to do,” I said. “Sometimes, that’s all that needs to be done and everyone walks away happy.”
[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“Does the size of the dick matter to you?” she asked?
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“Doesn’t matter to me,” I said. “But like you said, I have a funny way of looking at this. Smaller dicks are easier to suck but any size dick can be sucked.”
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“Was that dude with the 13” dick hard to suck?” she asked, taking my hand and sticking it between her legs - she was sopping wet - again.

”Yes and no,” I said. “He was stupid long but not all that thick - still quite the challenge for me to take him deep.”

”Damn...,” she said as a splash of hot pussy juice flowed over my fingers.

”Your girl asked me why you’re so damned good at eating pussy,” she said - and I knew who she was referring to.

”And what did you tell her?” I asked.

”That you get a lot of practice,” she answered with a giggle. “Did you know you were the first guy she’s ever sucked?”

”I didn’t know that,” I said. I could tell she wasn’t all that experienced but, okay.

”Oh, yeah - she told me after you ate her silly and wouldn’t stop eating her, she had to do something to make you stop.”

”Hmm... all she had to do was tell me to stop - I would have stopped,” I said.

”I told her that but I guess you ate her so good that you were worth her sucking dick for the first time in her life,” my wife said. “And she sucked you off, too!”

“She did and for the record, I did warn her,” I said. I remember the look on the woman’s face when I ain’t my load - it was precious.

”I know, baby,” she said as another squirt of pussy juice covered my fingers. “She won’t blow her husband... but she told me she will suck your dick any time you want her to.”

”I’m honored,” I said - I was actually blushing.

”Still, I didn’t tell her that you’re so good at it because you suck dick,” my wife said. “And speaking of sucking dick...”
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“About sucking dick?” I asked.

”Yeah - talking about what we liked and hated about it,” she said. “Like, do you get mad when the other guy doesn’t cum?”

”I used to,” I said. “But if he can’t cum, well, it’s not for a lack of trying on my part but it happens - just another one of those things that doesn’t make sense to get bent over.”

”Ever had a guy say he wasn't gonna cum in your mouth - and he did?” she asked.

“The question you should ask is did I believe them when they said it,” I said, laughing. “See, when I suck a guy’s dick, I want him to cum and I expect him to no matter what he says before the fact.”

”Women hate that shit,” she said.

”Most women would rather have it in their pussy than their mouth,” I said. “Some guys are like that, too, but for the most part? It’s an expectation that most guys never bitch about. Dicks get sucked and the sperm is going to flow. Now it’s a question if there’s time - or anything left in the tank - to do it again.”

”I think you could teach my girlfriends a lot about sucking dick,” she said. “And I know you know which ones I’m talking about, don’t you?”

”I do,” I said - after I stopped laughing. “But it’s different with women; sure, we’d love to be sucked off but that’s not likely to happen and there’s no point in being mad about it although, yeah, it’s kinda fucked up that y’all want us to spend all day with our faces between your legs so y’all can cum over and over and over... but won’t finish us off.”

”You act like that’s something new,” she said - after she got done laughing.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My first wife and I were lying in bed and cuddling after the third time we’d had sex that day when she asked me, “How many dicks have you sucked?”

I didn’t expect the question but I roamed through my mind for a long two minutes before telling her, “Honestly? I think I lost track somewhere around 1977...”

”That many, huh?” she asked and I didn’t have to see her to know she was grinning. “You’ve probably sucked more dicks that I have.”

”Probably,” I allowed. “Shit, I’ve been doing it since I was nine and you already know about the guys I grew up with - if we could spare even five minutes, we’d suck each other just to have something to do.”

”Do you have a best experience and the worse one?” she asked.

”Damn, I think I stopped thinking like that before I lost count,” I said with a laugh. “I figured out that there’s really no such thing as a good or bad experience since either thing will teach you something for the next time.”

”Okay... have you ever sucked somebody off and wish you hadn’t?”

”Sure - who hasn’t?” I replied. “Some guys - as you know - are just assholes about it, too rough and other shit that would make anyone second guess their decision to blow them. It used to piss me off... but I didn’t see the point in being pissed about something I couldn’t do anything about and to take a more positive outlook.”

”Like what?” she asked.

”I got to suck some dick,” I said. “I realized that good and bad are arbitrary but the one constant was the dick got sucked, the guy came, the need was satisfied.”

”You have a funny way of looking at it,” she said.

”Probably; not all guys look at it like that and I know women don’t - well, not all women get all fussy about it,” I said, shrugging in the darkness. “To me, which thing was more important - being able to suck dick or fussing about whatever? It’s like when women say a guy can’t fuck or eat pussy and the shit can get pretty ugly but, to me, it doesn’t matter... because I got the pussy, didn’t I?”

”Good point,” she said.

”Why are we talking about this?” I asked.

”Just curious,” she said. “The girls and I were talking about it yesterday.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]This guy is having a fun good time sucking my dick; I can see him feel him and because he’s shifted his position, I can feel his renewed erection pressing against my leg - and I’m actually impressed that he’s even hard again... and that makes me feel even more detached because as my dick is sliding in and out of his mouth as he holds his head still, I‘m thinking after he makes my body cum, I’m sucking his dick again.

I shudder and sigh... and the next thing I know I’m caught in the throes of my release, ending my sense of detachment and as I give into it, my last detached thought was, “Hmm, didn’t see that coming...”

Whatever just happened is over with; my cock is softening and I’m... confused? What the fuck just happened other than the obvious? He releases me and my body starts to move so I can blow him again and I hear him ask me if I’m okay - but I don’t answer him, get settled in place, and taste his cock for the second time. And I’m a little worried - is that out of body feeling going to hit me again? I literally shake the thought away so I can make this guy cum in my mouth again and eventually, he does.

I’m happy, he’s really happy but he asks me a question I couldn’t answer: “Where did you go while I was doing you?” Shit, I hadn’t noticed that he picked up on my detached feeling - I was too busy being enthralled over the fact that there was a guy sucking my dick and a bunch of other things that, normally, I wouldn’t even be aware of, let alone paying any attention to.

I shrug... because I don’t want to sound crazy trying to explain it to him. He smiles and says, “I don’t know where you went but you should go there more often; I had a really good time sucking your cock! Maybe we can do this again some time?”

I don’t really remember driving home; that sense of detachment has me rattled and I spent my ride home trying to figure out what happened, not that I felt I could do that because I’ve never figured out why it happens when I’m playing my keyboards, either.

I’ve “zoned out” during sex before, been totally oblivious to my surroundings as I’ve sucked cock or eaten pussy... but this was both fascinating and damned scary... and I wanted it to happen again so I could try to understand it as much as I prayed it never happened again...

Do you know the feeling?

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