My friend is dying

[naughty-slave-gurl]

hello all

as some of u know i have a friend who isnt even 40 and is dying of cancer....
tonight i found out she is riddled with it.... (liver, brain, everywhere)
im so upset i dnt know what i can do....
my friend i live with and i are finding it very hard to deal with so is the family and other friends......

her 3 sons r 18 7 and 4 the youngest dosnt quiet know his mum is dying. but we belive the other two do know..

my mate and i would like to do something for sonia to help b4 she passes away but we dnt know what to do.....

sadly to say sonia may not make it to her birthday next tuesday this is how serious it is...... :( :( :( :( :( :(

[DÆMØN]

I do not know how to respond to this M'Lady Naughty except to say that I sympathize having experienced cancer related deaths in the past. These occurrances are always nerve wracking.


End-of-life experiences are filled with many emotions for both the dying person and his or her loved ones. Although nothing can be done to prevent death, it’s also true that nothing needs to be done. Offering companionship, a willing ear, and a loving heart is a tremendous gift. Also, we can honor the person’s experience. Although we may want them to talk—or not talk—about their dying, the best thing to do is be open and present to whatever comes up.

In regards to the birthday: Personally I say Be of good cheer and help your loved one feel filled with love don't wait for the birthday, CELEBRATE it NOW and every day until the inevitiable. This may be one of the hardest things to do for both you and your loved one but DO IT.

[Bothbi_cpl813]

actually the best you can do for her, is to be there when they need it, even at 4am if nessessary. A shoulder to cry on is sometimes the biggest, best gift for someone to have. J

[Alaskan Girl]

I am soooo sry Nsg. I wish i could hold your hand throw this. I dont know what this feels like but i want you to know that we are all here for you. You don't have to be alone. But if that is a way u choose to heal yourself, then i am one hundred percent behind u.
i love u Girl, if you need me you have my number.
AG :kiss: :Angel: :rose:

[BI BOYTOY]

hey slave girl :( im so sorry its hard loosing somebody you care about.i use to be in the nursing feild for a while. and the only thing you can realy do when things are this bad and so far along, is to spend as much time as you can with your friend, and attemt to make them as comfortable as possibule, and of course be their with their childeren. it will be very hard on them when she passes`of course you know this. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( ```````````````

[texasman6172003]

Hi Nsg,Ireally feel for you. Having lost a grandmother to this terrible disease i feel like i kinda know what you are going thru. It is so hard to wacth someone you love suffer so. Like the others have said just be there for her and do what you can. Having gone thru thismyself,i feel i can lend support to you. If you need to chat let me know,,Love,,,Charles,,,Tex...

[smokey]

Love and compassion are the greatest gifts you can give anybody, in situitions like that materical things are meaningless...help to make her last days full of life, light and love. It will helpt to heal both of your souls.

[ambi53mm]

Hi NSG,
Reading your post bought back many memories for me. My mother was 42 when she died from cancer. I was 18 at the time with brothers that were 16,14,12, and 10. There was nothing anything could do save her and there were times I prayed for a miracle to save her..and times for a quick death to spare her the pain. Her greatest concern right now isn't for her self. She's accepted the envitablity. her greatest concern will be for those she leaves behind. Comfort to her will be in the knowing that they will be loved and looked after. Even a friendly gesture of assurance will bring her comfort at this point. As others have mentioned being there during these final moments, knowing she has friends and family that care..this is all good advice. Sometimes we are unable to change a situation, but what we can do is change the way we view it. This will be one of those times for you.

Safe Journey
Ambi :)

[nubiwoman]

hello NSG...

......being a mum of a similar age to Sonia with children of similar ages to hers...

... i can only imagine, like others have mentioned, that her greatest distress will be to be leaving her children behind..especially her youngest..

... if you and your friend can promise to be around for her children.. and to attempt to carry out any wishes she may have for them.. i can only guess this will give her some peace of mind, i cannot imagine it doing less than this..

... you are only human NSG.. you have already given Sonia your loving friendship, nothing can destroy that, or the memories you have of your time together.. they will last forever..

....and you have many people here who care for you NSG.. just let them hold and support you now, as you grieve..

....with love to you sweet lady..

....Julie :female: xx

[rupertbare]

((((((((((((((NSG))))))))))

Be there.........

be there for your friend...........

be there for her kids......now.......and later.......and much later........
They need continuity.

(((((((((((((NSG))))))))))))))

chin up girl!!!!! Big smiles to them all, even if you are fallling to bits inside.
And make sure you take some time out for you.....OK!!???

with love and peace to you and yours

Rupe

[arana]

((((((((((((((( NSG ))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this pain, it's not one I envy or wish on anyone. When my cousin was dying I sent out letters to everyone i could think of and had her showered with greetings from around the world, including celebrities. It gave her a smile whenever the mail came, at least for that little while. Since you really don't have that kind of time the things everyone else has said are the best you can do. Be there for her, love her and give her lots of hugs. Are her children going to be well taken care of when she's gone? She will have that worry I'm sure. Try and rest her mind about everything and fill her with love. You can't cure her but you can make her last days as happy and beautiful as possible.
My heart goes out to you NSG, it's not an easy task.

[Tx46M]

Add me to your list of friends, my prayers & thoughts are with you & yours.
:( :(

[rumple4skin]

(((((((((((((( NSG )))))))))))))))

I am sorry that your friend is dying. I cannot add anything new to what others have said. The most important thing you can do is be there for her and let her know you will be there for her children as much as you can now and in the future. Leave no kind word unsaid between you and your friend.

I wish you strength to be there for your friend now and strength to get through after her passing. Like so many here, you add me to the list of people that care about you and will offer whatever support I can.

Love,
Rumple

[onewhocares]

Wish I could have been of more help to you this morning. As other have said your love, concern and caring will make you a benefit to her. Her concern is for her children, be there for them in their lives.

Belle

[MotherGoose]

NSG, I don't know you very well, but you are in my heart and prayers.

It is so hard to try and find the words to help someone in this time of need, but she will be in a much happier place than any of us are now. I know you will shed tears of sorrow for her, but she will be smiling down from heaven on you telling you not to feel bad, because she will be in a place free of any pain and suffering that she has to endure here on earth.

I realize this isn't helping the pain you must be feeling right at the moment though. Always know that you have all of us on the site to talk with, cry with and help you get through these tough times.

((((((((((((((((((((NSG)))))))))))))))). Hang in there.

Macy

[WillowTree]

I am so sorry, NSG. I know this must be incredibly hard. I know your friend is so glad to have you by her side as she makes the transition from this life to the next. What has been said here is very good, she just needs you to be there. But, from your post I gather you actually want to 'do' something, which is understandable. My suggestion is to make her space, whether she is at home or in the hospital, peaceful and beautiful. Bring her homemade, simple flower arrangements to have around her bed. Light candles around her. Buy some special candles, and explain why you picked them for her. Those candles, especially if they are large and don't burn all out, can serve as something to give to her children of her last days. Massage her legs and feet if she will allow you to. Lavender oil is a nice, peaceful scent. Play some peaceful music around her.

Most of all, tell her that you love her often and help her children to do them same. Hold all of their hands and let your tears mix together.

[DarkwaterUK]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your friend and her family at this time.

Doug

[intorontobigolly]

all of the ideas are wonderful

have you known her for long?

Do you have pictures? Put together a photo album.

Do you have stories of fun adventures you have had with her write them down.

Give them to her as a present.

Visit her and each day show them and discuss these with her. Laugh about them and cry over them. She knows she doesn't have long to go. She will want to do both. So will you.

Other people will look at the album and ask about the photos and she can tell the stories or you can. And you will all laugh and cry.

If she doesn't win her battle, make sure you don't abandon her family after the funeral. There is so much activity around a funeral, so many people, so many stories, it all goes by and there are so many people around. Get someone to write out the stories that are told. Create a memory album. Be there afterwards, not only the day after or the week after but the months and years for the children. Make sure they have the album to look at. Tell the story of their mother and your friendship.

I hope she beats it. It's possible. But if she doesn't her children are her legacy and she carries on. Your friend can't actually die as long as you remember her.

Oh and make sure she knows you love her. It makes it easier.

[codybear3]

The Great Spirit gives us all life and he then calls us back onto him. May he look down upon all those who are affected by her illness and may he give strength to endure what will come to pass. In time, we all all gather with the Elders that have gone before us and we can Rejoice together as one...My thoughts and prayers for you, your friends, here loved ones and especially for Sonia... :paw: :paw:

[mistymockingbird]

((((((((((NSG)))))))))))))))

It sounds cliche and offers no comfort I know, but everything happens for a reason and when the cosmos intends for it to happen. Always remember that you must have black to define white, sorrow to define joy. In this time, just allow yourself to feel what ever you need to feel and know that those feelings are ok.

I have no other words of advice. The others have covered that well. Just know that I know how painful this experience can be and am here for you. Whenever. For whatever you need.

Love you baby.

Misty

[Long Duck Dong]

NSG.... smile... for sonia... make her laugh....

when sonia is gone, you, kellz and all sonias friends and friend have to carry on living..... and sonia is very much full of smiles and laughter and thats how she would want you to remember her and how she would want you all to be at her funeral

I remember when road warrior posted in the other site asking for my help.... and I knew that all i could offer was a few more months of life for sonia... and a few more months of suffering...... and having met road... it was the last thing i wanted to have to say to him

I have a old saying * a person is never truely gone, until the last memory of them is forgotten *

sit with her and ask her for permission to plant a tree or a rose somewhere for her, so that people can show that plant and be reminded of how much sonia makes us all smile

I am watching over sonia.... and yes, I do know the final passing is coming... but she has people there waiting for her on the other side... and the final passing will be peaceful and painless for her..... ( you already know how I can travel and i will be there when she passes to help her make the journey... but also to help her find a way to call in and say hi )

hugs you and kellz and road and sonia and the kids

[naughty-slave-gurl]

Dear friends........
thank you so much all....


Sonia died at 7:30pm new zealand time tonight........

it was so hard but we all help eachother....

all of us were in the room when she died and i think she knew it was time.....


* Sonia we will mis you, but we will always love u and u ill not ever leave us, u are in our hearts.... with love Angelique (Gleek)

[jamiehue]

with ya too. j.

[m.in.heels&hose]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((nsg))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))

and for you dear friend as well
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((nsg's friend))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

as the others have said, make this woman feel as much love as possible, love and happiness san ease the pian better than any medication could ever do (this is my honest opinion)

please make sure that her last few moments in this world are her happiest


my thoughts and prayers and well wishes are with you and your friend


all my love m.in.heels&hose

[codybear3]

Dear friends........
thank you so much all....


Sonia died at 7:30pm new zealand time tonight........

it was so hard but we all help eachother....

all of us were in the room when she died and i think she knew it was time.....


* Sonia we will mis you, but we will always love u and u ill not ever leave us, u are in our hearts.... with love Angelique (Gleek)

Here where I live, the day was slightly overcast. The breeze was nice and not too hot. In the days of my fathers fathers, when a member of the tribe was prepared to make the journey from this world to the next, it was common to say..."It was a good day to die"...NSG, I will burn white sage in prayer for Sonia and make a Cedar offering to carry my words of prayers for Sonia to the Great Spirit... :paw: :paw:

[bigregory]

Give a hug for me
And one for you to
cancer sucks
be strong

[mistymockingbird]

(((((((((((((((((((((((NSG)))))))))))))))))))))))) ))

love you darlin

[Jennz]

i to have seen a cancer death, though the age difference in the one that had it was 35 yrs younger, but yes everyone is right just be there and be strong but that doesnt mean no emotions strong, and talk to your friend make her part of everything, incourage her, make it a family and friends thing and the kids have them learn about what there mother has, it will help them coop and try not to let them stay for long periods of time at the hospital its not good for moral. and best of luck to the family

[Sparks]

sadly to say sonia may not make it to her birthday next tuesday this is how serious it is...... :( :( :( :( :( :(
Sonia and I share the same birth date. My prayers are with her. May she pass without pain or suffering. And in your parting, all I can do is offer you the wamth of my heart.

To you and Sonia. . . a warm hug to each of you.

Remember always. . .

"and in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."

[Nara_lovely]

G'day there...

We had a short chat in the main chatroom; along with a few others, heard the sad news that she passed on.

Hang in there; there are many of us who've either endured the pain, or are going through it now. Just know, in your heart, that you are never alone!

*HUGS* again....

[bigregory]

i dont even know sonia and im sitting here crying.\
May Sonia rest in peace.
I to have a loved one that is not long of this world.
my childhood friend with MD
I chatted with him tonight,today was the docter visit
they gave him a year.
fuck sorry

[bigregory]

sorry i needed some time to get a grip.
lets just hope we will all meet up later

[jedinudist]

Dear friends........
thank you so much all....


Sonia died at 7:30pm new zealand time tonight........

it was so hard but we all help eachother....

all of us were in the room when she died and i think she knew it was time.....


* Sonia we will mis you, but we will always love u and u ill not ever leave us, u are in our hearts.... with love Angelique (Gleek)

I am so sorry to hear of her passing.

Today was a beautiful day where I live, with vividly bright sunshine and a strong constant breeze that made whispy white clouds dance through the blue sky. A good day to part with friends until they meet again.

Grieve now, as it will heal your heart.

Remember the beauty of the life she shared with those she knows and loves.

I will pray for her spirit, and for those who remain behind to continue the journey.

I wish you comfort in your time of grief.

I wish you joy in the memories of the friendship you shared.

I wish you hope that when your journey ends, your beloved friend will be there to greet you and all the others she loves.

Blessed Be and peace to you and those who continue their journey.

[Spicy]

I feel very sorry for you and the family. I wish you and the family the very best. Be there for the family and console them. In your presence they will find a shoulder to cry on which is very important during these times. God Bless you all.

Spicy

[CherryBlossom74]

Our condolences go out to you, with all our hearts NSG.

We've lost loved ones just as suddenly, but in several cases we couldn't be there when they passed. The greatest gift you can give someone in their last hours is to be there with them. And though it hurts to sit by and watch, it is far better than not being able to say good bye.

Once again, all our love and warm wishes. May your heart turn quickly to happy memories of your good friend.

Someone once told me (Sean) that when a person dies, they never leave us. Only when they die do they truly become a part of us, leaving something our soul or psyche which resurfaces from time to time...like magic.

[NWMtnHawk]

Sunset and evening star,
and one clear call for me…
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea…

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
when that which drew from out the boundless deep,
Turns again home….

Twilight and evening bell,
and after that the dark…
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
when I embark…

For though from out our bourne of Time and Place,
The flood may bear me far….
I hope to see my Pilot face to face,
When I have crossed the bar.
...ALFRED TENNYSON…