thoughts while having sex [Archive]

Nisse

Feb 4, 2006, 7:19 PM

Hey I was thinking... while having sex with my girlfriend (who doesn´t know about my gay side), which is worse: to fantasize about another woman, or fantasize about a man?
I could write a whole essay of thoughts about this, but I think the question says so much I needn´t say more.

Yours faithfully,

Nisse.

Nikki Vandom

Feb 4, 2006, 7:34 PM

Nisse, my friend,I am only stating my opinion.Im not judging you in any way.Im sure we all do it sometime in our lives.I might have when I was younger so Ill throw no stones!Spend your mental energies on honing into your gf's frequency,if you get my drift.Put all these things outta your mind and concentrate on pleasuring her.IMHO,peace & love,N.V.

tom_uk

Feb 4, 2006, 7:55 PM

hey nisse, i fantasies about winning the lottery, don’t think it’s a crime - and you never know when you are having sex your girlfriend she could be having the same fantasy or a different one!, why not ask her? i bet she has fantasies too and theirs not much point hiding your feelings – if your intimate enough to have sex isn’t talking about how you feels just a small easy step to take? – mind you she could kick the crap out of you and never see you again, what price honesty? good luck

Lorcan

Feb 4, 2006, 9:06 PM

Hi Nisse,

I fantasize about my husband being a girl sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Whatever rolls your socks. I fantasize about a lot of things.

He knows about me. You might consider telling your girlfriend about your gay side. Especially if you think you might get serious with her.

NYC HOTTEST GURL

Feb 4, 2006, 9:22 PM

When I am having sex with my boyfriend I think about a girl and how much fun it would be having sex with her. My boyfriend don't know about me. But everytime I get ready to tell him I just shut down and go to another topic. Maybe one day I will tell him. :)

Biboz49

Feb 4, 2006, 9:52 PM

Sorry your gf doesn't know about your "gay side". For me I love the fact that my gf and I are totally open with each other about everything. We don't have any secrets. During sex this helps sooo much because we can fantasize about anything that pops into our heads. Part of the fun is telling what what we are thinking as we play. Even better we add to each others fantasy. This is probably the reason we both see fireworks every time we have sex.

runwildtonight

Feb 5, 2006, 5:31 AM

When I have sex with my girlfriend Im always thinking about her, sometimes I worry that once Ill think of someone else like a guy, but Im not so worried anymore. Our relationship has opened up, a couple months back i told her that occasionally I fantasize about guys (but never during sex) and that hurt her a lot, but with each passing month she has been getting more used to my bisexuality and I dont think it hurts her as much.

Maybe Ill ask her to wear a strap on and tell her Ill fantasize that its a cock in my ass, but when/if I do I plan on telling her before hand. Im loving her every day more and with each honest thing I can share with her the more this love grows.

Sometimes we FUCK, sometimes we make love, either way the sex is always great because I love her and it feels so damn gooooood. :female: :male: :male:

Tom41bimwm

Feb 5, 2006, 6:52 AM

When I'm having sex, I normally think of us doing it with another guy fucking her. This always works for me, lol, normally I can cum within a few minutes when I start thinking about that.

smokey

Feb 5, 2006, 7:36 AM

Ya know what every man's ultimate fear is?

When I am having sex, I am generally thinking about getting more :bigrin:

every man's ultimate fear is that his last lay was. LOL LOL LOL

Sparks

Feb 5, 2006, 7:48 AM

Think and fantasize at will while having sex. The true expression, however, is the sharing of the moment. Never take her for granted dude.

Hey I was thinking... while having sex with my girlfriend (who doesn´t know about my gay side), which is worse: to fantasize about another woman, or fantasize about a man?
I could write a whole essay of thoughts about this, but I think the question says so much I needn´t say more.

Yours faithfully,

Nisse.

ambi53mm

Feb 5, 2006, 8:23 AM

Hey I was thinking... while having sex with my girlfriend (who doesn´t know about my gay side), which is worse: to fantasize about another woman, or fantasize about a man?
I.

....Fantasy for the sake of fun and as an added form of stimulation I don't consider a bad thing...When I fantasize during sex it can change from second to second and we both derive the benfits of me being stimulated..myself, by the fantasy and her from the added stimulation in the moment. I can't recall where I've been able to maintain a fantasy from start to fininish and I tend to fantasize visually. It's all over the board..sometimes it's a male..sometimes a threesome foursome or moresome.
Going back to your question tho..as in real life..she would probably feel less threatened by the male to male fantasy than another woman...unless the fantasy with the other woman had us both focussing our attention on her.
...Our sexual escapades are so varied and open when we masturbate together that we usually wind up finishing together as well.
Fantasy is fantasy nothing more wherther day-dreaming or night dreaming..if you're feerling a little guilty..then it must be good LOL :bigrin:

cchalmer

Feb 5, 2006, 8:37 AM

i think it is normal to fantasize sometimes while having sex. I am very lucky that I have a very willing partner when it comes to this. See our fantasies are not just kept in our heads. When this happens we usually start talking about our fantasies.....and when we do they are not just mild "would you like to.....???" They get pretty wild and kinky sometimes and very very graphic. Sometimes the fantasy will involve another woman, sometimes another man, sometimes 2 or 3 people....but the one thing they always have in common is that we are both there.....in the fantasy and in real life.

Fantasizing is normal.....being able to do it with your partner is fantastic!!!

WillowTree

Feb 5, 2006, 11:25 AM

Fantasy is a normal, healthy part of good sex. That's true whether you share the fantasy or not. What matters is that you are with your partner, and not somewhere acting out your fantasy. That is, without her permission of course.

smokey

Feb 5, 2006, 4:18 PM

hell....most of my sex life is fantesy these days :eek:

moonlitwish

Feb 5, 2006, 4:51 PM

I fantasize about lots of things during sex....sometimes just that it's over :tong: I only felt guilty once when it was my hubby's bff....girls I tell him about, and anything else i keep to my self b/c he prefers it that way. I never fantasize about celebreties or other ppl I don't actually know....except that cute girl who makes the damn good milkshakes @ Kat's Patch....lol But the difference is I have seen her face to face....but never, say Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt or whoever. Does this make me neurotic? :rolleyes: I figured so...
But onto your ?? Neither is worse, it's only what *you* make of it...

red_riding_hood_27

Feb 5, 2006, 5:55 PM

I quess I am adnormal I don't fantasize during sex. I just feel. I guess all I am thinking on what my husband is doing. I actually have not fantized about anyone else for the past 4 years of marriage.

A little strange HUH

Angela

Nisse

Feb 5, 2006, 7:20 PM

Yeah I guess it´s very sensible to tell your lover about what your fantasize. So after reading your answers, yep, i´m gonna be open. So if I were a scientist, I´d state a theory: telling a lover about ones fantasies will improve the sex lives of both the individuals, and deepen their relationship, or end it.
So, I´ll see what happens, but my bet is on the first option.

Thanks.

fivehighfivelow

Feb 5, 2006, 10:22 PM

when I'm on my own (shaking hands with the unemployed) is when I fantacise the most and there are no limits or holds barred, not to fantacise would be like having functional sex devoid of emotion or enjoyment

Driver 8

Feb 6, 2006, 9:06 AM

Fantasies are just fantasies - I don't think either one is bad, so I don't think one or the other is worse.

Even without the whole sexual orientation question, telling your partner about your fantasies is always going to depend on your relationship. Obviously you probably don't want to be with someone if you can't tell them what you want - but some fantasies are more threatening than others (for example, fantasizing about other people). Different people have different comfort levels.

Lisa (va)

Feb 6, 2006, 11:14 AM

Although i believe fantasies are a good and normal part of life, i do not myself have fantasies when making love to my partner, I give myself whole unto him, thinking of pleasing him and him pleasing me and sharing our love. I usually save fantasies or daydreams when we are apart and I endulge myself in some 'solo' sex.

Lisa
hugs n kisses

meteast chick

Feb 6, 2006, 12:24 PM

red_riding_hood_27

Feb 6, 2006, 1:44 PM

I often fantasize about my husband being a woman during sex. More often than not, to tell the truth. I personally don't give a damn what he's thinking about, as long as he's with me physically. I may be in the minority on this one.

Frankly, I don't think men care what women think as long as they're getting their rocks off. By and large it is my opinion and only my opinion that women care more about what men think. You should probably tell her about your affinity towards men if you want to get serious with her, but truly I believe that what goes through your mind when you're having sex is your own business. Women like to hear that you're thinking about her. Besides, if she asks, it's only a little white lie. :)

I respect you for bieng comfortable with who you are. However a lie is a lie no matter even if it is a white lie. What a terrible web we weave when first we practice to decieve.
I am sorry Right now I keep wondering if it is me or someone in his mind he is doing. I want him there not only physically but mentally. I want him to know its ME! Not someone else. If he wants to wish I am a guy then go fuck one not me. I don't want to be the stand in. I don't want sex if it means that he is wishing it was somebody else.

Angela

meteast chick

Feb 6, 2006, 2:57 PM

Red,

I'm honestly not sure if fantasizing is about something we want to do, or something we think about to get us horny. I consider them very seperate things. I don't care if my husband goes out to strip clubs and gets horny as long as he comes home to me. Like I said, I'm probably in the minority on this subject, and as honest and open as our relationship is, I don't want to hear that he got horny at the strip club, I just want him to tell me how much he wants ME. I've never lied to my husband, and I don't think he's lied to me, but I'm not stupid enough to ask what he's thinking about during sex in the first place. I just think I'm setting it up for him to lie to me or me to be disappointed. I really don't care what my husband thinks about during sex, so it's a moot point, but I truly appreciate your response on this subject, as different from mine as it might be.

Gemini523

Feb 6, 2006, 5:08 PM

I would think fantasying would be a problem if the fantasy is intended to replace the person you were with. If you're not happy with whom you are making love to, and resort to a mental fantasy in order to be with someone else, then there is a real problem with the relationship. I, like many others have wrote about, am lucky enough to be with someone who encourages me to talk while in the act, and we often take turns telling each other stories. Most times, since I am the one with the curiosity, there is a another man involved with me, and she's watching. Works for me, works for her; our time alone is that much more special.

Vive la fantaisie!

billy_campbell

Feb 6, 2006, 7:02 PM

I have never thought or fantasized about someone else while making love or having sex with anyone. I mean, I just figure that’s why God created masturbation. Masturbation is when you should be fantasying, you know it’s like you’re all by yourself so you need something or someone to think about. My advice: if you are masturbating then fantasize all you want and when you are making love be completely, physically and mentally, with that person. Trust if you are it will be so much better. :2cents:

Nisse

Feb 6, 2006, 8:28 PM

Well since I was the one who started this thread, I want to add one thing. I´m always physically and mentally with my lover, and the best thing about sex is being together, and loving each other. But sometimes, not always, I´d say 3 out of every 5 times we have sex, I just HAVE TO think about someone else to reach orgasm, that someone else can be a guy or a girl i know from life.
So let´s say we make love for 15 minutes (moving the body athletically), then maybe the last 3 minutes I have to imagine something that pushes, to put it rudely, me to cum.
But the 12 minutes before and the heavenly peace afterwards, cuddling and so on, that´s kind of the best part. But one has to, you know...

Nisse.

PS: I´m male

Driver 8

Feb 6, 2006, 9:40 PM

Some of what I see here seems a little judgmental about fantasy - words like "should" and the like.

If you don't fantasize during sex, great, and if you don't want a partner who does, more power to you. But there's a difference between fantasizing during sex and not wanting your partner.

Personally I find that when I'm very sexually excited, I start free-associating and imagining different sexual images. If I just go with it, it makes good sex better - in fact it seems to be finding the right image, more than finding the right physical stimulation, that's often what pushes me over into orgasm. Trying to stifle those fantasies never worked for me.

Maybe that doesn't match some people's ideal of being 100% there with your partner every second, but, hey, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me - it means that I shouldn't be partnered with any of those people.

:2cents:

PS I'm a woman.

jo69guy

Feb 7, 2006, 11:47 AM

I would think that fantasizing about any other person regardless of gender would be a little strange/wrong. We all fantasize about unrerachable people, actors, singers, etc., but I usually don't fantasize while having sex with my current partner. :2cents:

meteast chick

Feb 7, 2006, 7:37 PM

Thank you Driver_8, my thoughts exactly.

P.S. I'm a woman too.

ambi53mm

Feb 8, 2006, 4:54 AM

Personally I find that when I'm very sexually excited, I start free-associating and imagining different sexual images. If I just go with it, it makes good sex better - in fact it seems to be finding the right image, more than finding the right physical stimulation, that's often what pushes me over into orgasm. Trying to stifle those fantasies never worked for me.

Stifling has never worked for me neither. I work in a field where being able to visualize is 99% of the job. I used to think that everyone did this ..pretty much in the same way that I assumed that everyone dreams in color. I discovered that there are many that do not or can not. With the right fantasy and the ability to visualize there are times in those in-between states on an astral/lucid dream level. I can reach a mental orgasm without doing anything physical... by just using the power of visualization. When I incorporate this into an intimate encounter it only serves to enhance the encounter with my mind usually achieving orgasms numerous times before allowing my body to finally do so.
By using this technique with it's tantric undertones instead of being a” minuet man” I can last for hours. As soon as the mind has achieved orgasm, the visualizations begin again. My wife and I both use this technique and as explorers involved occasionally with the “swing lifestyle” we have used it with others as well. We’ve never had any complaints and have taught others how to incorporate fantasy in this way. The pleasure isn’t just about the destination..but the journey. If it works use it

PS I’m not a woman..but I know a few. :bigrin:

sammie19

Feb 8, 2006, 7:10 AM

I dont usually fantasise during sex, as Im usually too involved in the act to think of anything but what and who I am doing or being done by. There are exceptions. A bad fuck is one and need to fantasise to if not make it bearable at least make it pass more quickly. :(

likalotapuss

Feb 8, 2006, 9:19 AM

...lol, normally I can cum within a few minutes....

Ahem.... excuse me..... Is this a GOOD thing? LOL No one wants a minute man, so quit thinking about other things if it is turning you on to much!! Not only are you NOT thinking about the situation at hand, you are cutting her short due to your wandering mind!! :2cents:

Angie

moonlitwish

Feb 8, 2006, 9:34 PM

We all fantasize about unrerachable people, actors, singers, etc.,
I don't....told ya'll I was neurotic

I often fantasize about my husband being a woman during sex. More often than not, to tell the truth. I personally don't give a damn what he's thinking about, as long as he's with me physically. I may be in the minority on this one.

Frankly, I don't think men care what women think as long as they're getting their rocks off. By and large it is my opinion and only my opinion that women care more about what men think. You should probably tell her about your affinity towards men if you want to get serious with her, but truly I believe that what goes through your mind when you're having sex is your own business. Women like to hear that you're thinking about her. Besides, if she asks, it's only a little white lie.
I think you may be on to something here.....As long as I know he's thinking about me when he gets aroused, I don't care what's on his mind when we're taking care of business. Likewise, I like knowing that when someone else gets him aroused, he comes home to me :bigrin: All the rest is just details...
I'm 'there' when he needs me...but let's face it....at the point of orgasm you're taken to a state that blocks nearly all mental functioning, so you're not 'there' anyway... :2cents: