Hello

[DreamyDays]

Hi,

I'm new to this board and wanted to say hi. I'm hugely glad to have found a website like this, mainly because I am bi-sexual and do not have an outlet to express how I feel, but also that I need to find out how others deal with bisexuality.

I have had gay and straight fantasies all my life, but have always tried to repress the gay side, thinking that it would just pass. Obviously this was naive thinking, as I am just coming to realise that I am what I am and no amount of soul searching is going to change that. Hence, at the age of 23, after 10 years of lieing to myself, I can now admit that I am bisexual.

I only ever told one person this, and that was my ex-girlfriend. She didn't take it well at all because she is a very devoted Christian.

I have a question to ask:

I want to meet a woman, fall in love, have children etc. To me, bisexuality seems to just get in the way of this, yet it is an intrinsic part of me that I cannot change and need to embrace for the sake of not getting depressed.

How does a person reconcile their desire to have sex with a man, with a straight loving monogamous relationship?

I am terrified of telling a woman that I have gay fantasies because she may just flip and dump me. But its too big a thing to keep secret. It would be really helpful to hear other stories about this issue.

Thanks for reading :)

[onewhocares]

First welcome to the site...glad you decided to join us. I think that many are in your position. Can you have it all? Yes, I personally do believe you can if you meet the RIGHT person, are open, honest and communicate well your feelings, wants and desires. You must also consider hers as well. Is it going to be easy..no! Most things that are worth while are not easy..but the reward can be a happier life.

Belle

[DreamyDays]

First welcome to the site...glad you decided to join us. I think that many are in your position. Can you have it all? Yes, I personally do believe you can if you meet the RIGHT person, are open, honest and communicate well your feelings, wants and desires. You must also consider hers as well. Is it going to be easy..no! Most things that are worth while are not easy..but the reward can be a happier life.

Belle

Thanks Belle, appreciate the input

[evilpanda]

I wish I had known about my sexuality at your age. I'm 29 now, but I look 23, so I can still catch up.

Regarding relationships, if i may offer my :2cents:, you have all the time in the world. At 20, I wanted to get married, have kids, etc., and THANK GOD I DIDN'T. At 25, I found out I was bi and stopped pretending. At 26, I started actually ENJOYING LIFE. It wasn't until I was single again at 29 that I was grateful to be bi and free to play with anyone.

Listen, mate, dating is all well and good, but there's no rush. Your special bird will show up when the time is right, which probably won't be for a while. That's a good thing. Be careful and enjoy yourself, learn to live with yourself, and learn to LOVE yourself.

And if you feel like snogging a bloke, hell, there's nothing wrong with "tasting the rainbow." That is our gift and our blessing, that we can do that.
:bipride::bipride:

[evilpanda]

I am terrified of telling a woman that I have gay fantasies because she may just flip and dump me. But its too big a thing to keep secret. It would be really helpful to hear other stories about this issue.

Thanks for reading :)

I missed that last bit. I have something to add.

Matey, there was a time when I could be understanding of someone flipping out and dumping me over being bi. Today, it's 2009 and people are going to have to start fucking getting used to us being around. If they still want everyone to think and act like good little heterosexual robots, then fuck 'em.

My last girlfriend almost didn't go out with me over that - because her stupid FUCKING MORMON friend told her bi guys are evil. Thankfully, she didn't listen to her, dated me for two years and we are still close friends and live together, even though we are no longer a couple. Unfortunately, I decided to keep a lid on my bi-ness, and that made me very unhappy in that relationship. After our split, I opened up more and discovered that I never really had any reason to be worried, as long as she didn't think I wanted a threesome.

(I DO want a threesome, hence my seal of disapproval on the monogamy thing, but that's just me.)

I've been up front and honest with every person I've gone out with and, if they have a problem with it, I won't waste my time on their ass.

It sounds like you're single and looking for your special someone. I hope you find them, but, if you tell them the truth and they hold it against you, got some news for you, friend, THAT's not your special someone.

If you're worried about dating, think about this. You have TWICE as big a playing field as monosexual people so, that's twice as many fish in the sea.

[FalconAngel]

You can have it all, as it were. But not without honesty.

Belle is right that it isn't easy, but it is worth it. You have many options as a Bisexual, which is both entrapping and liberating.

Your choices in sexual and/or romantic partners is opened up more than being either straight or Gay. I know that sounds like a bit of a cliche' but it is true.

You do need to be more cautious with finding an opposite sex partner, because you need someone that you can trust with your secret.
That is the honesty part, because hiding what you are from a potential partner can end up being the same as lying.
It is the same as "men/women don't count" is still cheating.

You need a partner that can respect and, if you are lucky, embrace your Bisexuality. This is a difficult thing for a lot of people, but it can be helpful for you to be on this site and others like it because we have folks from the entire relationship, sexuality and gender spectrum here that can help with advice and suggestions.

In our case, it was a couple of weeks into the relationship before I told my girlfriend, now wife, that I was Bi. In my case, it helped that we met through a group that was very friendly and supportive of alternative lifestyles. (Star Wars fangroup and Rennies) I also, while I didn't advertise my sexuality, I didn't keep it secret, either.

Now, only you know where you can let the secret out, so that is up to you to decide where it is that you can do that. Of course, in an environment where your sexuality is out in the open, it makes it easier to find understanding and supportive partners.

We hope that you can find the advise and support to make your dream happen. This site is a great help to many and coming here was a good thing for you.

[darkrose287]

Hi,
I refused to admit my sexuality to myself till I was 16, and i'm still coming to terms with what it means.
And I have no idea how to repress the gay fantasies to be in a straight monogamous relationships... I suppose fantasies and maybe someone that openly accepts your bisexuality is the way to do it...but I hope you have better luck than me in that!

[DreamyDays]

Thanks for the support here, massively appreciated.

evilpanda its totally true what you say about not rushing into anything, and its also true that we have more choice than others in terms of who we go out with (aka date!).

FallenAngel, its good to hear that you're wife knows you are bi and accepts that. Thats majorly encouraging. I suppose in a perfect World our partner will just accept us for who we are and that'll be that. I'm guessing that the reality is always likely to be far harder, and there's probably going to be a lot of stress into the bargain.
I was just thinking how that would come up in conversation.."by the way, I sometimes fantasise about being the woman and getting done by a man..is that OK with you?" - OK I'm being a bit nagative, but it does seem really hard at the moment to work this one through.

Just very pleased to have found this site :) cheers guys

[rebecca2009]

I came out to my hubby last year. He is extremely supportive of me going back into the bisexual lifestyle.I got out of it for a while due to personal reasons.
I had a miscarriage in Oct 2007,i was stalked last year by a girl who wanted me to leave my hubby, which i would do for anything in this world. She would literally follow me into the chatroom where I would talk.After that incident i decided myself that i wanted out of the bisexual lifestyle.
We found out that she was not the age that she said that she was, among other things. Thank god i never met her.
I have come to terms with my bisexuality. My husband and I have agreed that any female that we meet or possibly get involved with knows that are committed to each other first and foremost.
That's just my two cents
Becca