Confused and struggling

[funkycat36]

Hi. I am really confused and would appreciate your advice.

I am a woman in a relationship with a woman. I came out as a lesbian 8 years ago but I guess deep down I always knew I still had sexual feelings for men.

For the past year or so I have been trying to accept these feelings for men and now identify as Bi.

This sounds really easy but I am finding it sooooo hard. I love my girlfriend and want to be in a monogomous relationship with her but my sexual feelings for men seem stronger (maybe because I have repressed them for so long??). I guess I currently find it easier to get turned on by thoughts of men but my emotional attraction is to women.

When I relax and accept my sexual feelings for men then my sexual feelings for women also become stronger.

I know the obvious answer is just to relax and go with the flow but I seem to be fighting this every step of the way and its tearing me apart.

I would love to hear from anyone else that has felt like this.

Any words of advice or support?

[TorontoGuy2007]

sounds like you are a bit uncomfortable or in denial with the fact that you are potentially sexually attracted to both sexes.

when you think of men, is there particular man in general you crave, or is this more of a general lusty thought?

can you agree with yourself that you can accept your bisexuality, yet park those cravings for men and be able to totally enjoy your monagamous relationship? or perhaps are you in a position where you are really feeling the need to be with a man physically in order to be satisfied? definitely lots to think about here.. do you feel that by only being with your gf, that you are somehow missing out?

i often battle with my own sexuality. i've never felt comfortable being in romantic or sexual situations as a male, which i am. i often feel that i can't get the most out of life, love and sex, unless i go thru with transition. sort of seems like a similar, yet different example.

obviously in your case, it would be a huge decision to either sneak in a man on the side or ask permission from your gf to be with a man on the side..

overall, never sell yourself short and never settle for less than you feel you need to be happy.

not sure if i helped any, but those are my thoughts.

[funkycat36]

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes I guess I am in denial about my feelings for men, well at least not very happy about them.

No its not a particular man, just general sexy thoughts. In fact if I see a man I feel sexually attracted to the thoughts tend to go away if I think about the person or try to imagine actually being with them.

I guess with my thoughts of men its just sex, I don't feel other emotions. If I fantasize about men (which I do allow myself to do sometimes) its just pure sex, no emotional connection, no wanting to get to know them.

With women its emotional connection first and then the sexual thoughts follow. Sometimes I do just feel turned on my a woman's body must mostly its more linked to a romantic/emotional stuff.

Anyone else relate?