Any thoughts on this twice baked pickle?

[FilthyFrank]

Hello, I have an interesting situation, a couple years ago I told my wife I was interested in guys. I know I'm kind of glossing over things but I'm trying to keep this short. She was/is supportive of my curiosity, she even went as far as to set me up with a guy but I wasnt prepared at that moment to go through with it because his wife was, lets say instigating the situation even more agressivly than mine... Normally that would have been perfect but his wife has 0 filter and would have posted, pined, live streamed, and faxed pics and vids to the entirety of the world as she pointed and shouted. I have another opportunity to make it happen having reconnected with them recently, (I'm 85% sure he's still into it.) but cant figure out how to bring it up or do it without his wife putting me on blast. (Pretty sure some coworkers already did that anyway) Advice is welcomed as are questions.

[MAcpl69]

Sounds like a tough situation, you would like to play with him but don't want to be dragged out about your sexual preferences. Do you think you could talk to her and let her know that it will not happen unless she can give you a promise she will stay quite about it? Then you got to evaluate how much you trust her to keep her word. Or you could do something I've been thinking about for a while, you could throw caution to the wind and say to yourself I don't care what people think of me. Obviously the second choice is a big step if you just starting to explore your bisexual feelings.

[Jozyxt]

If you are not confident she will respect your privacy, drop the situation. It is your option on if or when to out yourself. Not hers.

[tenni]

Frank

Your boundaries do not seem to be a match with her desires/boundaries. If the guy is willing to play with you just the two of you and she agrees not to be present, then move on and find a guy whose boundaries are closer to your own.

[FilthyFrank]

Sounds like a tough situation, you would like to play with him but don't want to be dragged out about your sexual preferences. Do you think you could talk to her and let her know that it will not happen unless she can give you a promise she will stay quite about it? Then you got to evaluate how much you trust her to keep her word. Or you could do something I've been thinking about for a while, you could throw caution to the wind and say to yourself I don't care what people think of me. Obviously the second choice is a big step if you just starting to explore your bisexual feelings.

Thanks for the reply, I don't care what people think of me, the problem is that my Wife dosn't want anyone to know. Her family hates me already without much cause, we've been together going on 18 years, married for 12, I dont want to make life with her family any tougher than it already is for her. Also I'm not entirely sure what their issue is with me. I could talk with his wife but I've known her for a number of years and she's def not a secret keeper.

[FilthyFrank]

If you are not confident she will respect your privacy, drop the situation. It is your option on if or when to out yourself. Not hers.


Good advice, but I'm not a people person, it's hard for me to engage with people and I'm already comfortable with them, plus I'm pretty sure he knows i want to do unspeakable things to his wife and I'm betting I can make that happen if I bring it up with my wife at the right time. (Shes a freak in disguise lol)

[FilthyFrank]

Frank

Your boundaries do not seem to be a match with her desires/boundaries. If the guy is willing to play with you just the two of you and she agrees not to be present, then move on and find a guy whose boundaries are closer to your own.


I tryed, even had a "play date" set up with a guy close to where I live, but for some reason he came up with excuses and then stopped talking to me. I don't know what to think about it, he suggested it to me so its not like I pressured him or anything. That kind of made me feel like crap, I'm not in a hurry to deal with that again.

[Flypaper]

Good advice, but I'm not a people person, it's hard for me to engage with people and I'm already comfortable with them, plus I'm pretty sure he knows i want to do unspeakable things to his wife and I'm betting I can make that happen if I bring it up with my wife at the right time. (Shes a freak in disguise lol)

Maybe his wife really wants YOU, not habe you and her hubby hook up? Perhaps take her for the ride of her life and ask if that will help her stay more silent when you hook up with her guy?

An interesting pickle, to be sure.

[FilthyFrank]

Maybe his wife really wants YOU, not habe you and her hubby hook up? Perhaps take her for the ride of her life and ask if that will help her stay more silent when you hook up with her guy?

An interesting pickle, to be sure.

She has expressed interest in the past, but I couldn't abuse my wife's trust like that, the only stipulation to me messing with guys is "no bitches", I can live with that, I think it would be easyer to just wife swap lol... But then she'd Rita Skeeter that shit too. The only reason I care about being found out is my family, they mean more to me than my reputation if this not getting out makes it easyer for my wife, then I'm all for it. I think im going to have my wife get his number for me and see what he says.
Thank you and to everyone else who replyed

[nu2curious]

Sure can't blame you , the lack of discretion in that situation is appalling . IMO what happens between you guys should be kept to yourselves unless you feel personally otherwise. Getting together with someone while having to worry about it being broadcast is a huge turn off. Hope you can put a lid on it so you're free to enjoy it.

[Opportunist]

She has expressed interest in the past, but I couldn't abuse my wife's trust like that, the only stipulation to me messing with guys is "no bitches", I can live with that, I think it would be easyer to just wife swap lol... But then she'd Rita Skeeter that shit too. The only reason I care about being found out is my family, they mean more to me than my reputation if this not getting out makes it easyer for my wife, then I'm all for it. I think im going to have my wife get his number for me and see what he says.
Thank you and to everyone else who replyed

Tough situation Frank. You have my sympathies. Maybe the thing to do is wait Chatty Kathy out. When better weather comes, go do some outdoorsy overnight new England thing with him. Bring some bourbon to share around the camp fire and after a couple of drinks your hand can fall on his thigh. If he responds positively have fun, if not, you can blame the booze.